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Slipped in the wrong hole?!? My goodness but that was stupid! It doesn't matter what "hole" it goes in, it would have been rape either way. Sheesh, maybe you should fix him a chinese dish. That'll make you feel better. well, maybe it will if you spit in it, anyways. ;)

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When I think of these, I wonder how I can possibly consider telling anyone else...

--(laughing)"Oh, that's always what it's like the first time."  This was a bf who, I guess, was expecting to hear something really juicy after I had a flashback in his bedroom.  He had nothing to add about the subsequent "times."

--another boyfriend:  laughter and no comment at all

--a church youth counselor, with tears in her eyes:  "You need to pray and ask Jesus to forgive you for giving up your virginity."  Took me another year to be able to tell anyone after this.  

--a male friend:  "Oh my God.  Your boyfriend did that to you?  Oh my God.  I really don't want to hear about that."  Well, it's not about you.  I understand that maybe my disclosure brought up some stuff for him that he couldn't handle...but the disgust that I heard in his voice and saw on his face was really hurtful.

--a male classmate: "I've had some similar experiences, but not as bad as yours.  A cub scout leader felt me up a few times, but it didn't incapacitate me."  WTF?!  I'm not F'ing incapacitated...I'm just hurting, you PAMF.  This was recent, so I'm still ticked off.

-a lot of uncomfortable silences and changing the subject from various people...these often hurt the most.  Did my disclosure mean nothing to you...?

There's my rant for the night.  This is especially relevant for me because I'm feeling the need disclose to more people...  Why in the world do I want to do that?  *sigh*

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How about this little tidbit from a coworker of mine?  Granted, she didn't know she was talking to a survivor, but I still couldn't believe it...

A group of us were discussing a court case involving (what else) a rape.  And she said, "I just couldn't live with myself if something like that happened to me.  I'd rather be dead.  Once you've been raped, you're better off dead."

Ummmm....WTF?  I actually am pretty fucking proud of the fact that I lived to tell the tale, & here's someone telling me I'd be better off dead.  Good God.  Luckily, a few others told her how goddamned ignorant she was being, before I was forced to open my mouth.  I don't know what would've come out...

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My first experience of telling anyone outside of my close friends and you guys was in a chat room. I frequent it a lot, and have a lot of friends in there. Well, one day a couple of them were making jokes about child molestation, the whole catholic church thing. It was really bothering me, and I asked them to stop....


<me>because it bothers me and I don't want to hear it.

<them>why does it bother you so much?

<me>I was raped when I was 7 by my former step-father.

<most of them>that's horrible. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

well, one of them PMed me...

<him>you were raped?

did he rape you anally?

did you like it?

God, that triggered the #### out of me. I was shaking and crying so much. Jared was in the same chat room, and he told one of the mods what was said, and he was promptly banned. I was triggered and scared, but now I am just pissed. What kind of question is that? Yes, I was 7, I didn't know what was happening, all I knew was that it hurt REALLY bad and I was terrified, but of course I enjoyed it. Sheesh, sick fucking bastard.

Same chat room, different time... people were asking me how I was doing, because I had mentioned not being very well... most of them in there knew what had happened... I told them I was a little triggery from reading something on the forum... (I didn't tell anyof them where the forum is... I just said I am part of an online support group.) So, one of them says...

<her>I don't like those anti-rape sites... I'm looking for a pro-rape site.

There's just really nothing anyone can say to that one, except to call her an ignorant bitch and ban her from chat.

sorry for the language... (((((hugs to all))))))


(Edited by flautist at 8:46 am on Mar. 9, 2003)

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Guest choirgirl

I haven't really told many people the specifics, but I told one of my guy friends recently that, "In sixth grade a guy kind of, um, tried to rape me."  His responce: "Well, those things happen.  Shouldn't you be past it by now?"  well, at least on of my friends is a little more senstive than that.

oh, forgot another interesting comment from my best friend a few weeks ago.  it was very late and he was very tired (so I don't blame him too much), and I was very anxious.  He said, "Is it the whole rape thing?  Just forget it, okay?  My god, it was six years ago, why are you still obsessing?...  wait, did that just sound how I think it just sounded?  because I didn't mean it like that..."  I know he didn't mean it to be mean, but it still bothered me.

(Edited by choirgirl at 10:14 pm on Mar. 9, 2003)

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Guest brandnewday012095

hmm.... lets see...

aren't you over this yet?

don't you know there are people who have had it worse off than you?

well, you always seem to put yourself in these situations..

rape can't be done by someone you know- i dont believe you- it happens with strangers only-



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Relative debating sending one of the kids down to the store in a not so great neighborhood:

"Send her, she won't mind, she's already tainted."

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OMG!  (((((Crystal)))))  That is just flat fucking horrible.  I don't normally respond to every one of these, or the thread would be 49348753984 pages long, but the ignorance & cruelty there just astounded me.    



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I can't believe I haven't replied to this yet. My brain must have malfunctioned...

Hmmm there are so many - where to start?

The guy I was seeing when I was attacked in college:

"Yeah right" (after laughing)

A girl who liked the guy who tried to rape me

"Why would he do that to you - he doesn't even LIKE you" which was coupled with "You're a liar" (which is why I didn't tell anyone else for 14 years)

My husband on my attempted rape

"but nothing really happened"

Thanks hon.

My husband on things still bothering me

"You need to get a hobby" (he didn't mention knitting specifically but same idea)


"You need to get a grip"

and "how long are you going to think about 'that crap'?"

I know there are more - these are the ones to come to mind though. I hate that all these things have been said to such lovely souls.


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Guest golden lady

Shell, next time he asks, "how long are you going to think about that crap?" tell him until he learns to be supportive and help you to get through it.


(Edited by golden lady at 6:12 pm on Mar. 11, 2003)

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Guest choirgirl

oh, I forgot the classic one (this bugs me in any case, but especially this one):

God does everything for a reason -and- He'll never give you more than you can handle.

as if that's supposed to make everything all better...

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this just happened a week or 2 ago with a guy whos kinda known all along. i told him things have been affecting me a lot more than i thought most people realized, and that dumb idiot said

"when you tell people about it are you laughing like its funny?"



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by my mother, just the other night, when i told her i was going to a workshop for survivors:

"oh, that's still bothering you?"

thanks, mom.

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More words of wisdom from my hubby:

"You're less crazy now than you were a few years ago, but you're still pretty fucking crazy"

Thanks babe.  I really needed to hear that.



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My darling (((((Amy))))))

You are perfectly sane. No thanks to him! Bloody ####....

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From my mum something along the lines of:

"You can take him to court if you want but I'm emigrating first, I don't want anyone who knows me to know".

"You know your problems are making this hard for the rest of us."

Sorry, I should have checked it was convenient first!

A (now ex) friend I told because he was always calling and it was really starting to freak me out:

"Why did you tell me about what happened?" he then proceeded, "what are you wearing under that t-shirt".

I hope he never gets to practise law.....

A friend:

why didn't you just hit him/ wouldn't you have felt so much better if you'd hit him.

yes, i would have felt much better hitting him when he was trying to strangle me!!

and recently: "I'm taking self defense classes so I know nobody can hurt me."

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Okay, my husband doesn't know about my past...but he said something really stupid when there was a rape scene in a movie:

"If someone dresses like that, she just asked for it"

I thought I choked. I asked him if he was nuts, crazy insane and what the F**k he was thinking by saying such a horrible thing. He shrugged and said that I overreacted...it was just a joke...Well, I thought I exploded and walked away yelling..."Even if she was naked...no-one...no-one has the right to rape her!!!" That was when I knew I should not tell him ever.

Uh....he is really sweet...but he is male!!!


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A "friend" of my husbands' commented on our dancing, saying my husband was disrespecting my body b/c I'm a survivor.  (evidently we're limited to the waltz?)  

He went on, this is a big ol' trigger **T**

And then asked if he also treated me like "his own personal whore" in bed.

Yes, because there is no such thing as a normal consenting sexual relationship for survivors.  That's right.

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I hope this guy falls through his oversized a**hole and chokes to death.


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People's ignorance never ceases to amaze me - what an #######!  I'm sorry that you and Dave had to experience that.  And, Amy, if you read this - that was classic!  

Much love,


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My boss and suposed friend, the day of the rape:

Boss: "I think you'll be okay and get throught this. Your strong and I think you'll be one of the people who can cope with this"

I was quiet

Boss: "I think you're like me. I'm strong and I think that if someone drugged me and f*cked me up the ass, I'd be able to cope"

I was quiet

Boss:"In time you might even see a funny side"

Needless to say the WANKER is no longer my boss or friend, and the only funny thing is how pathetic he is!!!

-Sorry its not that funny, but I think you'll all agree it's pretty inappropriate. If I'd carried on working there I reckon he might have suggested I take up knitting!

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either that or chinese cooking... ;)

(BTW, wanker is now my new favorite word. ;) )

(Edited by flautist at 6:35 pm on Mar. 28, 2003)

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