Top 10 Stupidest Comments

[Guest]

I was recently released from the hospital for a suicide attempt, and while in there was forced to retell my "encounter" numerous times. One particular doctor, a male - if it matters, made the comment,

"Something inside of you made you put yourself in the position to be assaulted. Until you figure that out, it'll just happen again."

Thanks, doc. That does wonders for my guilt and anxiety.

[Guest]

Hmm.  When I reached out asking for support a while ago, a friend of mine said, "Well you went out with the guy; shouldn't you have expected this?"

Trish

[AloneNoMore]

Hello everyone.  I'm new to the board, just registered today, and this subject really caught my eye.  I too have been on the recieving end of many unkind words, like many of you here.  Perhaps the most hurtful words came from my mother when I told that I was still having trouble dealing with my childhood past of sexual abuse.  It had been three years since I had first told her and this is what she said:

"I don't believe you.  You're making it all up."  

I burst into tears and ran out of the room.  Later, she recanted her hurtful statement, and claimed she did believe me, but now I no longer trust her.  She's the only one I ever told and she didn't believe me.  Who else is going to believe me if my own mother doesn't?

But then I found this board, and hope was restored.

[Guest crystalbutterfly81]

the stupidest thing someone told me was by my bestfriend

she told that since i had waited so long to report to th police that i had been raped that it wasmy fault if other people had been raped by those men

your sort of truly, crystal

[happy penguin]

one of my favourites was when my next door neighbour was trying to persuade me that my exboyf (the rapist) really cared about me:

Her: he really cared about you you know- you can see that he loved you

Me: He raped me

Her: but he still cared about you

Me: he raped me- how can he have cared about me?

Her: i think this is to do with your issues with trusting people in general

Me: you weren't there. you didn't see what he was like. he was abusive. he hit me. he raped me. he did not care about me. he raped me. why do you say he cared about me?

Her: well, he helped you with the washing up

Lol!

and the typical 'get over it comments' from my grandma. my dad was quite annoying when he said that he couldn't discuss 'sex' with me. It was rape you friggin idiot.

[Guest]

One night I pointed out the guy who raped me to my friend (who I thought was a good friend) and said that's him.  Please don't talk to him.  I though as a friend she'd be in danger plus she'd want to know or MAYBE even care.  Nope - she said...

I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM HE'S MY DRUG DEALER.

Nice.  Just great.  Stupid cow had just started buying drugs off the peadophile.  Obviously I don't talk to her any more or see her.  In fact - I left the country because of so many reasons I'm glad I don't have to see people like her any more.

[LifeWithin]

I'm new...posted one post- but this one caught my eye.  Last semester (before anyone knew anything about my past) a friend was leaving to go to the parking garage around midnight and I mentioned that she should take someone with her so she doesn't get hurt.  

She responses with, "Well if I get r*ped at least I won't die a virgin"

And now I've heard alot lately because rumors have been going around the dorm about what happened to me.  The same girl from before and her friend are convinced that I'm lying because of this conversation:

Them: how are you??

Me: I'm ok...fine..

I walk away to get away from people.  Ok do they really expect me to spill everything to them about how I feeling?  First of all I always say I'm fine- no matter how I feel.  Ugh, people.

[forgottenhowtofly]

I am usually very careful about who I share my story with.  I've had some bad experiences with people knowing about my CSA and getting really bad comments from them.  So if and when I share my story with people it is only after I've known that person for a while, and have some foundation of trust with.  I decided to share my story with a friend of mine that I've known for a while.  I told her everything from the CSA to the rape to the SI.  When I was finished she looked at me and said 2 of the stupidest things I've every heard anyone say.  The first was "Are you sure?"  WTF?????  "Are you sure?"  *switch to a little girl voice, hmmmm no I guess I am not sure if I've been violated, oops.

The next comment was after I explained to her what SI was and why I still struggle with it.  She said "I am not sure if I believe you.  I am not saying that you are above this, but I sometimes think that you do things to get attention."  Sure attention, that is why I cut, how silly, why didn't I think of that.  Now if I do cut on occassion for attention why do I cover it up?  Why do I make excuses to wear long sleeved shirts and refuse to wear shorts?  I guess it was all for attention.  WTF??????????

I am not sure if I will be calling this person a friend for very much longer.  

jenni

[Molly]

People do the say the most inappropriate things and if they know they are this bad, why do they let themselves leave the house??

My mother to me - 2 days after miscarriage

   "What you need is a couple of toddlers running around to take your mind off things"  

My sister a few days ago after I was about to "confess" my sa to her (she'd been asking q's and I think she has worked it all out anyway)

  "Don't get me involved, i'm happy the way things are, you've always been a trouble maker.  If you're going to do anything, make sure you leave me out of it!"

My so called best friend, numerous occasions over the past 4 weeks (i'm going through a bad time at the moment)

  "Don't you think it's about time you gave up on all this?"

and

  "Time is a healer after all, and it did happen when you were about 11, so you need to just move on!"

and then

  "I split with my boyfriend 5 months ago and look at me, i'm back in the swing of things already.  We all have hard times, but time is a healer hun"

If God had had brains, then some people wouldn't have had mouths.

Molly xx  

[Melinda]

"Don't get me involved, i'm happy the way things are, you've always been a trouble maker.  If you're going to do anything, make sure you leave me out of it!"

Uh, yeah... denile, it's not just a river in Egypt!  I've often felt I'd get this reaction from family if I told them.

"Time is a healer after all, and it did happen when you were about 11, so you need to just move on!"

Yeah, I've heard this one before too... "time heals all wounds..."  But sometimes wounds turn into a nasty infections and gangrene and lost limbs if they're not treated properly!  People always seem forget that...

If God had had brains, then some people wouldn't have had mouths.

Yeah, for sure...  Why do the people with the biggest mouths alwasy have the smallest brains anyway?

LGL

[fosca]

When I told my mom, I also told her over and over that I'm still a virgin, that there had been no actual intercourse.  I felt I had to do this because my mom is very into Catholicism (despite never going to Church).  Her response, "Well, then what happened?  Did he put it in your ass?"  

When I told my sister, she was very upset and crying.  I told her that what happened wasn't something I could actually press charges about, that the legal definition was not met.  She stopped crying and said, "Oh, okay.  I'm glad everything's okay then."  

One of my friends told me to just "Let it go."  To her credit, however, she later said, "What he did to you was wrong."  

I saw a counselor for a few sessions and talked about what happened for one whole session, blaming myself, saying how bad I am.  She went thru the whole session being very helpful, telling me that the man who hurt me definitely was taking advantage of a power dynamic because he's a TA, etc.  When I finally started to believe her, to feel validated, to not hate myself, she interrupted me and said, "Well, I'm not saying it's not your fault, too.  It's just not ENTIRELY your fault.  You're both to blame."  I never went back to see her again.

Someone online said that what happened isn't as bad as what happened to his friend.  She lost her virginity to her boyfriend, who was very gentle with her, but it still hurt, so sex didn't live up to her expectations.  It's worse for her than for me, because she has to see her boyfriend again, to remember that losing her virginity was painful.  At least *I* never have to see the man who hurt me again.  "The fact is, you were just disappointed that your first sexual encounter wasn't what you expected."  

And when I used to be on a mailing list for self-injurers, I posted something saying I was never going to let the man who hurt me into my apartment again, never going to do anything with him again, because I felt so dirty and awful afterwards.  This was shortly after the incidents.  This girl wrote back calling me a homewrecker, assuming I was in love with the man who hurt me, etc., because the man who hurt me is married.

[Smile]

some people really do keep their brains in their baby toes...

having told a total of three people what happened to me, my best friend told me that it was wrong of me not to go to the police because he cud hurt someone else...even my sister (who is like my idol!) or my angel (whos a year old, and...my angel)

then another wud be,

she was talkin about a girl in our year who was raped, and she said that it cudnt be true cos she looks to happy, and that she dresses in girlie clothes, and wears skirts...when i asked her if thats how she felt about me, cos before i told her she always said i was the happiest person she knew, and i still continue to look happy, and that i wear girlie clothes, she told me that i had no right to ask her that, and that i was horrible of me to ask her such thing...

im sorry but is it just me, was it not horrible of her to make such comments, knowin what happened to me, and then making me feel guilty for askin her if thats what she though of me!

[pixie]

Something I read in the newspaper about a local girl being raped behind her high school...

a quote from someone else's parents;

" I hope it's not true.  I'm not surprised people have sex back there though."

From the girls' perspective that says-

I hope she's lying.  I'm not surprised that she would consent to have sex and lie about it though.

People need to learn that

a/ Rape victims read.

b/ They need support, not skepticism if they want to survive this without seriously retriggered PTSD and disabling panic attacks.

[Guest singlia]

On the flipsyde- i think that is the funniest quote i've heard in a long time. Have ya'll heard about those sad women who have been amputating their baby toes so they could fit their feet into a thousand-dollar pair of shoes? This puts a whole new spin on the issue....

"some people really do keep their brains in their baby toes..."

Thanks for sharing that Smile!

[LadyRose]

THE worst thing someone has said to me came over email by a member of a message board.  This person told me that "None of this would have happened if I hadn't wanted it to, I obviously brought it onto myself" and it is my fault that it still bothers me.  He (yes, HE- what the HELL is a MAN doing giving ME advice in this area??? ) then gave me a (huge) list of things I needed to do if I truly wanted to get my life back in order, because I was going about things all wrong and I was going to end up dead if I didn't change.

I wanted to email him back, "Yes, all four year olds want to be raped by their mother's boyfriends.  I desire a life of misery and pain.  Hey!  Maybe this WILL lead me to death!  Oh PLEASE oh PLEASE!!!"

Why can't people just try to be understanding??

[RSR]

A co-worker to me, after I told him his rape "jokes" weren't funny:

"If you don't learn to laugh about it, you'll never get over it."

ugh

It's not completely the same..... but my b/f basically said something like that once.

We were watching 40 Days and 40 Nights, and I got upset by the scene at the end, because it's passed off as nothing.... [a man is r*ped by a woman while he's passed out].... and his g/f is made at him!

So I complained about it.... and he said that I took these things too personally, and I should learn to not be so affected by jokes and the like.

That still hurts.

[worldshattered]

These both have to do with my mother:

Mom to my grandmother:

"She shouldn't have been out in the first place".

Yeah, like I am supposed to sit around my apartment in a little cocoon until I die.  Or better yet, maybe I should move back home with her so she can never let me out of her sight.

And the worst, this isn't just a quote.  During the week following my r*pe, my asshole roomate called my mother to inform her that I have an eating disorder, the wrong one at that.  He told her I am bulimic, I am actually anorexic for the most part, but that's beside the point.  So I talk to her after asshole calls her, and she's pissed at me.  She was soo accusatory, like anything and everything was my fault.  It was horrible!!  She didn't even ask how I was doing, so was embarrassed that my roomate had called to tell her that.

Even to this day, and it's only been about 5 months, she won't talk to me about it.  She acts like it never happened, and I know that means she thinks it's my fault.  that's how she is, and it really sucks.

[rinoa]

from a 'well meaning' colleague:

"you just need to get out more, live a little. girls your age shouldn't be moping around at home, you should be out on the town, on the pull. You should go out and have some fun, have some one night stands, thats what you need to do"

Yeah, thanks.

Think I'll stick to moping if its all the same

rinoa x

[onalae]

I'm coming in pretty late on this post, but here goes:

1.  It wasn't that bad.

2.  Oh, just come home, your dad isn't going to do it again.

3.  (Coming from Aunt) You know, if your uncle had done the same thing to Carrie I don't know if I would have left him either.  (My mom didn't leave my father).

4.  You know, what he did was terrible, but I love him.  (From my maternal grandmother).

5.  Even though that happened, at least all the women in your family love you.

6.  Your mom just isn't strong enough to leave.

7.  You choose to be happy.  

8.  It was so long ago.

9.  You know, your father loved you so much.

10.  You have to forgive him.

I am so glad to get those out!  

Ona

[raw&burnt]

When I finally reported it to the police then the detective, after telling my story, the detective says, "What made you think it was rape?"

One frienemy asked, "What did you think of his penis?"

When I told a trusted friend that at least he got what he wanted, he said, "It had nothing to do with that."

I hadn't told my dad, but he went on and on about gay marriages, so when I asked if he'd rather a woman be in a forced situation with a man than have two people of the same sex consentually love each other, he said yes! Worst of all, the mass denial I was hit with whenever I tried to talk about it to my meddling friends who'd end my testimony with, "...but he's a good friend, a decent person" as if I were lying.

I could go on.....

[AnnaElizabeth]

My boyfriend said to me when I visited him this weekend, "You weren't wearing a bra?!"  -about when I was last raped.

[jfinnova]

I tried to commit suicide after being unemployed for nearly a year.  The person who found me made me talk to a crisis counselor on the telephone.  After hearing that I'm an attorney, the moron on the telephone said, "well there are too many lawyers out there"  

My immediate question was, "why is he employed and I'm not???"

jf

[smalls]

When I first told my mom I had been raped (by my ex bf, whom I was still living with at the time) she said, "well why didn't you kick him in the balls?"  And, "it's your body, you didn't have to let him do anything you didn't want to do."  I yelled, "I didn't let him do anything, he held me down!"  In a sarcastic tone she said "oh, he did?"  A few months later she told me she didn't believe me, she said "I believe you two had sex but I don't think he raped you."

Thanks mom.

[Lula May]

my best friend really liked this guy, he knew about it and thought he really was all that and then some. anyways he kissed this other girl right in front of her in a nightclub and she was devastated,later i was speaking/ arguing with him, telling him that that was a tad insensitive, and he said

"i didnt want to kiss her, she just kissed me, it was practically rape."  

yeah, its just like that.

[Lauren]

I was talking to a friend who has also been raped. I was very upset about mine and the triggers and nightmares I have been getting from it. He said to me "Laurs my rape was worse than yours. I was raped for years, yours was only for a year!"

In my opinion a rape is a rape. It hurts the same, wether it was once or many times.