Moose_Muffin Posted August 9, 2018 Share Posted August 9, 2018 My friend who is out of her abuaive realtionship now said to me the other night that she doesn't want to be like me. She doesn't want to think about her abusive ex for years. As if there's something wrong with me.....that's super hurtful.....my friend doesn't even know all of what he did. I have never told any one of my friends because as you can see they are not safe. I don't want to compare abuse but she didn't and hasn't dealt with the same degree of physical violence and violation as I have. Really i am hoping by posting it here I can forget about her comment and just not add it to my list of things wrong with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest storm01 Posted August 12, 2018 Share Posted August 12, 2018 After sharing a few poems about my assault with my family, my younger cousin said “hahaha remember when that guy touched you” and I was just shocked. I replied telling him that it was a serious issue and not something to joke about, to which he replied “yeah but it wasn’t that serious and it happened a long time ago”. Sometimes I just wish I can punch people in the face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArinaAnon Posted August 13, 2018 Share Posted August 13, 2018 I disclosed my childhood abuse and rape to an older guy. One day he asked "so what do you think is worse, having gone through Auschwitz or your childhood?" ... Dafuq man. I just said "I don't have answer for that" Seriously, why would you ask that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EsperanzaRising Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 “G*d told me that it’s your job to make things right between him and your mom and you can be a family again” school friend said that “Was it r*pe or was it just m*lesting?” My T said that while I was at a children’s home “He must have had multiple personalities “ whether he did or did not have DID that doesn’t excuse abusive and shitty behavior. His abuse gave me DID. We know not to be what he is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lesolitaire Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 I can't remember if I've posted this before, but when I tried to tell a friend/mentor figure that I had been abducted, she told me I "shouldn't get in cars with strange men." Wtf. That's not what happened at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
free2speak Posted February 17, 2019 Share Posted February 17, 2019 (edited) My therapist told me that "scrappier girls" (like she had been, of course!) didn't have to worry so much about getting victimized. Yeah, this asinine therapist definitely got me in touch with my anger! If a therapist said that to me now, I'd reply, "I don't think this is going to work out" and stop therapy with that individual instantly. To imply blame at a CSA therapy site is inexcusable. Edited February 22, 2019 by free2speak I wanted to clarify a little Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Flo Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 I feel so sorry to read that for many these comments come from the people supposed to help you, therapists, family, best friends... Well, being aware that these comments are fucked up and not beliving them is still great. There are so many things people say "not wanting to hurt" or even wanting to help that are in fact absurdities... here is mine "who do you think feels most of the pain, the victim, the perpetrator or the perpetrator's mother?" I was so shocked I stayed in blank, so this guy I had just told about being agressed by someone from the same activity group answered himself "I think it is the mother. To know that your son is a rapist should be terrible..." What the h**l is this question? How to compare these things? The perpetrator is the only responsible, the mother most of the times has nothing to do and doesn't have a clue of what her son did, and the victim have scars from the agression so many years... I mean, really? Even trying to give an answer to this question seems absurd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jessthemess Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 Happened in Europe with a relative tried to tell brother 3 years later he said “if you got sexually assaulted it would’ve been your fault” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest TLD Posted March 13, 2021 Share Posted March 13, 2021 A male friend "he must have been a big bloke!" I'm 5ft 8" and a size 18/20 so I guess he was thinking of the logistics but come on really! He saw the look on my face and apologised immediately but still.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tea Posted July 18, 2021 Share Posted July 18, 2021 Oh yeah, I think my worst like this was at my GYN, “survivors of rape don’t go get piercings” re: my nipple piercings and Christina. I don’t know about anyone else, but I love my piercings and they help me feel like I’ve reclaimed my body, it looks different than when I was assaulted. Plus I made sure to go to a piercer that was extremely professional! Way more professional than that gynecologist for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SBug Posted October 2, 2021 Share Posted October 2, 2021 I’ve heard “maybe he was trying to be romantic, maybe he was into that…maybe he thought you’d like it…..maybe he was thinking____(insert what they THINK he may have been thinking even though they don’t know…”he probably wanted to get some before he left.” “I can tell you why he did that…men can’t control themselves, maybe he assumed it was okay with you because you’re in a relationship…maybe he assumed your history or he could be rough with you… I’ve also heard he is nice for not raping me (not one those exact words but he’s nice for not trying to have sex with you instead), and they kept saying did he take your clothes off at any point? and when I say no automatically assume usually what happened but at the same time maybe he was just into violent/ rough sex.Maybe he got upset/offended…that you were hyperventilating. Okay so that excuses violence? Also just assuming how and what happened that there wasn’t any violence (there was) and that I must have done or said something to make him n yeah…if I wasn’t experienced he either assumed I was obviously or that he’s just stupid. Ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest user274 Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 On 7/18/2021 at 6:41 AM, Guest Tea said: Oh yeah, I think my worst like this was at my GYN, “survivors of rape don’t go get piercings” re: my nipple piercings and Christina. I don’t know about anyone else, but I love my piercings and they help me feel like I’ve reclaimed my body, it looks different than when I was assaulted. Plus I made sure to go to a piercer that was extremely professional! Way more professional than that gynecologist for sure. There’s absolutely NOTHING NO certain way of being a survivor we’re all different people so that makes no sense that she said that? What right does she have to tell you that? Survivors all cope differently and have different things they like to do. That’s just a weird thing to say. I’m sorry people are so judgmental and I think piercings are cool. I know it’s hard but don’t listen to what people say okay? They can be so ignorant sometimes, but just do what makes you happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 When responding to the fact I had been gang raped, my dad said- "get over it." and in response to childhood abuse from multiple perpetrators he said "You are not that good looking" -implying if I was that would mean it would be plausible because apparently only those good-looking people get raped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MMM Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 From the only person who I confided in: "Just pray to God to remove it from your mind and you'll be fine." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VirginiaW Posted August 9, 2022 Share Posted August 9, 2022 The first alleged 'therapist' after he had found out that I hated him, and he knew he would never be able to connect with me in any meaningful way: 'Happiness is a choice' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou21 Posted August 9, 2022 Share Posted August 9, 2022 @VirginiaW, this is a ridiculous thing for anyone to say but especially ridiculous for a therapist to say that! Completely unhelpful! Sorry you had to hear that when you were suffering Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VirginiaW Posted August 9, 2022 Share Posted August 9, 2022 @Lou21 , yes, that's definitely right. He was angry with me because I had rejected him completely. He said that only a few months after my incident, and he was in a huff. He wanted to have the last word or something like that, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CherryBunBun Posted August 9, 2022 Share Posted August 9, 2022 When I told my old therapist about the molestation (not the R as I hadn’t had that flashback yet) and how his sister - my childhood BFF - was present the first time she stopped me and said “Did you comfort her at all? Have you reached out to her? That was her brother so I can only imagine it was worse for her.” LOL another thing to feel guilty about, thank you. My old therapist, for the rest of that session, basically berated me for not taking care of my BFF who must have had it worse. Because of this I still feel a deep sense of guilt and responsibility for not doing enough to protect my friend. And I still feel what happened to me “wasn’t that bad”. I’m sorry to everyone on here that you have experienced something similar. We deserve better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working on it Posted September 16, 2022 Share Posted September 16, 2022 Not the worst one but the one that hurt me the most (6 months after it happened when I told my mom) Mom: "Did you verbally say no" Me: "No but I tried pulling his hand away" Mom: "Then we can't do anything about it" *end of conversation for the next 3 and a half years* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hemligt Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 I was told that because I was able to share my story in the extremely gross detailed way online (I'm a bit of a writer and I wanted it to feel as disgusting as it was... which is impossible), I was lying, because their mother had been hurt and there was no way she'd be able to word it like that. As if we're all the same people. As if it didn't take me weeks to write down while having mental break downs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amg Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 Being told to watch what you're wearing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Serena Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 So, if someone hurt you once why would you go back and let them do it again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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