Fabonacci Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 All of the people I told were really supportive and I'm so greatful for that but they did make a few stupid comments: so, is sex painful? So he knew what he was doing? (wat ye think. Ye don't just randomly get it in te ye head te stick it in there) Maybe it happened because you were such a cute little girl. He was also young, it was a mistake. (sure, He made the same mistake over and over again) He's your brother. You have to forgive him. (after I told her) so why are you telling me all this? So he used to hit you? You just need to pray and repent. (WTF) you shouldn't be afraid of men. They aren't all like that. (I know it's true but it's hard to find comfort in that right now) They may have said these things but they only said them out of ignorance. Now that I have 'educated' them (very loudly) they take me more seriously. They aren't as bad as they seem. They are very supportive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fabonacci Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 If it happens again just fight back. Oh We're you drinking? Why didn't you scream for help? I got these too. It was so humiliating to hear it. I was just a child. I didn't drink or dress provocatively. I'm strong for a female but Im still no match for a man so how exactly am I supposed to fight back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8888 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I was watching tv and was triggered because someone in the show was date raped (even though my experience was child abuse not date rape). My mother's response- "It's a shame fraternity guys are portrayed like that, they don't all do that." No one said all fraternity guys were rapists, I'm just trying to get untriggered, how is this even related? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gonz Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Me: standing in line at bookstore (remember when those were a thing?), having a pretty good day, excited about my find. New Caitlin R. Kiernan when I didn't even know she had anything new coming out. Considering going for coffee afterwards, meeting up with friends later. Feeling happy, like a normal person, for a change. Him: standing in front of me in line with his girlfriend. Turns around, sees my face, my piercings I guess. Says, loud enough for the entire store to hear, "Jesus Christ, who molested you?" She hits him in the arm, but is stifling a laugh. Me: put my book down and get the fuck out of there. Don't cry don't cry don't cry, grown men don't cry, not in public, they'll all laugh at you if they see you cry. Get in my car and start punching the dashboard and let out a scream so loud I hurt my throat and am hoarse for the next couple days. Happy day is ruined, and I get so fucking few of them. Can't face friends, go home, don't leave for a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8888 Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Me: standing in line at bookstore (remember when those were a thing?), having a pretty good day, excited about my find. New Caitlin R. Kiernan when I didn't even know she had anything new coming out. Considering going for coffee afterwards, meeting up with friends later. Feeling happy, like a normal person, for a change. Him: standing in front of me in line with his girlfriend. Turns around, sees my face, my piercings I guess. Says, loud enough for the entire store to hear, "Jesus Christ, who molested you?" She hits him in the arm, but is stifling a laugh. Me: put my book down and get the fuck out of there. Don't cry don't cry don't cry, grown men don't cry, not in public, they'll all laugh at you if they see you cry. Get in my car and start punching the dashboard and let out a scream so loud I hurt my throat and am hoarse for the next couple days. Happy day is ruined, and I get so fucking few of them. Can't face friends, go home, don't leave for a week. So sorry that happened to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gonz Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemon_ade Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 When I said he was my boyfriend: ,,At least you lost your virginity with the person you loved, that's not that bad." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8888 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 When I said he was my boyfriend: ,,At least you lost your virginity with the person you loved, that's not that bad." That's terrible. And welcome to Pandy's! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8888 Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 I saw today on a different online message board that someone said someone else was not abused because they didn't ask the abuser to stop. But it is abuse if there is no consent. I said something to the person, I hope I helped the survivor. People who say it's not abuse when it really is annoy me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Quark Posted November 27, 2015 Share Posted November 27, 2015 I've got a new one. I believe nobody has this one, although I am sure you have heard worse, but this one is peculiar so I couldn't not share. So, my so called best friend from time to time implies that I should not be friends with her ex girlfriend, whom was my friend before they got together and I have always asked them both to keep me out of it. Long story short, she never actually listened to me when it comes to this. And she used the information she had about my personal history of abuse in order to make me feel guilty for being friends with her ex. Here's what she said: "oh sure you told her she treated me unkind but then you went for a coffee with her, you don't go have dinner with the rapists though". Meaning, I was abused and I am not friends with my abusers, but I can be friends with the people who hurt her, i.e. her ex. Also, "how would you feel if I were friends with (insert my ex's name)" knowing that he abused me and then left me. Why do I keep looking for the good in her? It's just that the evil person she really is deep down only came up a couple times during the past years, and not all the time, but that's what she is, evil. She also defined me "violent" "a bully" and "kind of a turd with me". And I didn't insult her or anything, I was actually only defending myself from her accusations all the time. The next day she reprimanded me because I didn't give her affection. I am not joking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EsperanzaRising Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Partner after assaulting me " I am doing this to help you recover from your past abuse" Church friend "If you prayed more often you wouldn't have these problems" they were referring to major depression and PTSD Police officer "He couldn't have done that. Pastors can't do that" when I first tried reporting my dad Friend "Did you get raped by a terrorist" when I told them about my PTSD Mom "I am sure he didn't mean it" how can someone not mean CSA-ing for 14 years? Judge "He is your father it was his right to do it" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 My mother when my memories were first coming back to me and I was trying to figure out who raped me. I asked if it could have been her boyfriend at the time who fit the blurry description I had in my head. She says, "No, it couldn't have been him; his p*nis was too big." WTH? And then when I first made the mistake of telling her about these flashbacks and body memories and basically a whole lifetime of obvious indications, she just says, "I think you're confusing your thoughts with what happened to me." Umm, I think not! She still won't acknowledge it. She knows how much (well, at least she should know) I am repulsed by the idea of sex and relationships, but just asked me the other day if there was anyone I was interested in dating. She doesn't see me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schweppes Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 " did you talk to him about it?" but in this case with marital rape so not just a stranger so of course, you wouldnt talk about it to the guy that raped you but when its not really taken seriously in marital rape, or when people dont understand that it doesnt have to be not giving consent but crying or letting him know that you're in pain. so " did you communicate with him about your sexual relationship?" there were actually many stupid comments but i can't think of them right now cuz i've tried to just put them out of my head... but when i do i'll put it here. thanks for this thread , cuz sometimes i wanna vent about stupid comments and my friend says ' oh just who cares what people say or think' but it is hurtful when people say stupid things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schweppes Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 and maybe this one was already mentioned in previous replies but now we are up to page 58 i think/? and i havent read all of them... (that shows just how many stupid comments people make) Are you sure it was rape? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cherline Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 "Can't you, you know, just suppress these memories?" One of my best friends when I told her I still had flashbacks, one year ago. She still doesn't entirely understand why I'm not gonna do that. "You're lazy and selfish." My brother, referring to my depression, as he thinks I (and also my boyfriend, who has depression, too) "use it as an excuse too much". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raingirl Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 I told my brother of my SA by his dad my step father. I was upset because he didn't know, had never been told. I was crying hysterically on the phone, and he said calmly, "How many years ago did that happen?" It was as if he didn't get that trauma can cause intense pain all of your life. All of it. What is so strange is how I still want to relate to him. He lives in another state and I just sent him a Christmas present. I am trying to reach out to him in care. I wonder if it even matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treble Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 "Just pray to God, that will make everything better" Not about sexual abuse but when I was hospitalised for suicdal thoughts one of the nurses said "you seem so nice why would you want to kill yourself?" O_o didn't really know how to respond Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlandrith Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 "What happened to you is indeed bad, but rape is something primarily done to women by men. We need to keep the focus on female victims." This is what happens when ideology overrules empathy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wraith Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 "Well, you led him on. Of course he did that. I always knew you'd do something like this to get attention." And when my former boss at a big marketing company started touching me inappropriately and I complained about him to his boss: "He's like that. You should take it as a compliment - it means he thinks you're special. He's only ever gone for 'real' girls in the past, so you must be extra-special." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlight Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 others have gone through worse. get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 (edited) The old "rape is worse than death" loveliness. Granted, he didn't know about my history, but even after trying to make him see in how many ways that statement is hurtful to the victims (and, well, just plain wrong), when I said "Plus, as long as someone is alive, they can heal and eventually find happiness again" all he said was "What kind of life would that be? Nuh, it would be kinder if they were killed." Having one of my dearest friends tell me he thinks my life ain't worth jack shit and hasn't been since I was a child (even though he didn't know he was also talking about me), was not a great experience. Edited February 22, 2016 by Tokyo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
^_^ Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 My brother was the one who orally raped, molested, and abused me. He is about the same size as me even though he is two years older than me, so no one believes he could of done anything. The most responses that I hate are "Just get over it" "Turn to God" "Oral rape isn't real rape" "He's too small, you could of run away or something" and one of the most hurtful is when I told my best friend and she kept saying it doesn't seem possible and pointing out false facts that would prove me wrong if they were true, like she thought I was making stuff up for attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnetD Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 (edited) My current husband every time after I break down and talk about the rape, abuse, attacks; 'So do you feel better now you've talked to me about it?' Followed by an hour of me reassuring him about how great/supportive/understanding he is. Because a lifetime of abuse followed by political violence and domestic abuse/rape will magically disappear after an hour's worth of talking to someone about it, right? Especially when him listening is totally negated by the transparent grab for backpats. Edited May 3, 2016 by AnetD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moose_Muffin Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 "I think you are deliberately MAKING dramas for yourself in life" - a counsellor told me this in 2005, after I reported having PTSD and abuse at home with my B/F. I never saw her again. "You don't know what real domestic violence is" - my sister, when I tried to tell her about my abuse. "That's what men do when they get angry. I don't blame him" - my father, when I came to him crying, after being abused and asked if I could stay at his place. "You obviously have a lower sex drive than him" - a sexual abuse counsellor, a month ago, when I recounted a rape to her - by my ex B/f. I could go on and on... To have a counselor say that to you is so scary and completely deters me from wanting to ever go into any counseling or tell anyone. i feel that way already. That i am making it a bigger deal then it really is. for someone to affirm that belief to me would only hinder my mental and emotional recovery. I had a girlfriend tell me that she 'wished i could get over this' and i know she meant well but it was hurtful enough that what i heard was i cannot keep telling her about this and so for many years now I havent said anything to her so she thinks i am over it. One time in trying to tell my mother vaguely she said 'well if you didnt want it why didnt you make up a lie to get out of it, like you have to go to the bathroom" and it was about a particularly forceful as well as shameful time. The only reason for that time literally was to shame me and make me feel like the girl he knew i was/am. he said to me he knew i could take the pain and that he knew i wanted it. guess my stupid comments really arent that bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnetD Posted June 19, 2016 Share Posted June 19, 2016 Moose_Muffin - I don't blame you for feeling that way, but don't let it stop you from finding a counselor. It took me 25 years and 5 attempts to find the right one. They are human too and some are better than others. Now that I have a counselor who I feel is entirely on my side and believes me 100% I am finally starting to heal. Oh! Speaking of bad therapists: Family therapist on my depression - 'what you really need is a fashion makeover'. Can't believe I forgot that one... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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