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5 worst betrayals


Melanie
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Guest Stephanie Joy

My worst betrayals...*sigh*

Having my grampa abuse me...when grampas are supposed to take you fishing and to the park and you're supposed to love them and like ebing with them.

When my parents didn't do much about it and told me never to talk about it. When they took better care of him then they did me.

When my dad let him near me even though I was shaking with terror. And he did really nothing about it because he felt guilty over his own sexual problems. (so he felt bad accusing my grampa)

When my parents refused to see my pain.

You know...sometimes I feel betrayed by the whole world. :(

I'm working on it...but am surely not past my betrayal issues yet.

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My biggest betrayal...

The day I told my mom what my brother had been doing to me for 13 years and her response was to call me names and said I was a liar.  It was the day that the slightest glimmer of hope that this may be the end of the abuse was crushed.  A new form of abuse started with my entire family....a #### I had to live in for two years until I left to start my life over.

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((((((((Hugs ))))))) for everyone.  This is a great thread, difficult, but good.

I've been thinking about this for a while now, and my worst betrayals are not by my abuser and rapist.  They didn't love me, and weren't supposed to care about me.  Really it has been the people closest to me that have hurt me the most.

My mum is probably the worst, and most of my mental health problems boil down to her never wanting or loving me.  I believe that when I was born my mum had post natal depression that was never treated.  She despised me the day I was born, and that has never changed.  She blames me for all of her mistakes, and is jealous of everything that I have done with my life that she couldn't.  I have acheived a lot in my life, but she has never once been proud.

Also, she can't bear to touch me.  As a child I was never hugged or kissed.  Even now, if I brush past her she will flinch.  This hurts more than anything else that has ever happened to me.

Michael is the father of my 4 year old son.  We were good friends for about 2 years before we got it together.  I knew it wasn't going anywhere, but my mum had just kicked me out at age 17, and I had moved away from my friends, so the company was good.  I fell pregnant, and booked an abortion.  Within two days of booking it he was gone.  He didn't even say "it's over", he just went.  Stopped answering my calls, even ignored my letters.  I lost my job and was totally alone.  I ended up cancelling the abortion, but making that choice pushed me the closest to suicide I have ever been.  I know I will never get that low again.  I found out later that he had left me for a 15 year old girl, they are still together, so she is my sons stepmum.  To be honest I don't really know how I got over it.

My dad left when I was 2, but we have always had such a great relationship.  We are very alike, another reason why my mum hates me so much, and I know he is proud of me.  The day I turned 18 he gave me £400, and basically said "thats it, I'm off the hook, my responsibility to you is over".  I felt like I'd been paid off.  When he found out I was pregnant he refused to speak to me for a year.  One day I just turned up on his doorstep and forced my way in.  It has taken me a long time to start rebuilding that trust, and I really miss my old dad.

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  • 3 weeks later...
SunshineDaydream

Yeah, after I was raped the first time, I called my friend Megan the next day and told her I thought that I ahd been sexaully assaulted the night before.  Teh first thing she said was, "Well that's what you get for going home with guys you don't know"  What sucks is that she was right.  I wish I could say that I hae done something to deal with that but at least she and I aren't friends anymore.

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My aunt, who walked in on her fiance abusing me, married him anyway. She called him a sick bastard at the time, but I refused to talk to her about it after, and I don't know what she was thinking. I guess I'm not surprised she stayed with him, I just hope she keeps him away from other girls he could hurt.

Me -- for not screaming or running away ... for staying in their house for five days ... for pretending everything was okay

Him -- for asking me to keep it a secret between the three of us

My boyfriend at the time for constantly asking me when we could have sex again, reinforcing my shame by saying he didn't think I should tell our friends, and just generally not supporting what I was going through. He's since apologized for some things and that was one of the most healing moments of my life. We were only 15, I know he did the best he could at the time.

My college friend who when I told her what had happened to me, responded with, "How could you let that happen?" I ended the friendship.

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  • 4 years later...

my worst betrayal came from my mum. when i told her what had happened to me, she called me a liar, and then proceeded to ask me what i was spreading lies for, and did i not realise i was throwing away half a house when they died.. apparently a house is more important than my safety.

then i learnt that she'd suspected something for a while, and that my step dad had admitted to her when they first got together that he liked younger girls, and still thought it was ok for him to be alone with me...

i havent dealt with it... right now im just very angry with her.

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pandoraspal26

Is it possible to betray one's own self? I say this not in doubt, but in concern. My step-sister was the victim, but I see her doin gthings that seem like they coud be hurting her even more. Mostly lying to people about things happenening and going on with her cuz of wat happened, but they are not true. I am afraid for her cuz she won't talk to anyone. My mom tried to get her couseling, but she won't go, then tells everyone that mom won't do anything for her or won't be there for her and don't care about her. Why would she take a horrible thing and make it seem worse than it is?

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I am even scared to write this but I was involved in a church that was sorta like a cult. The church split, thats a whole big messy event but then my husband left me and our 3 children. The Pastors had split and then my husband married the Pastor(WIFE). That is the 2 biggest betrayals right now. The abuse in my childhood and life I can deal with alot better I think.

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  • 4 weeks later...
blondie2002

My physical therepist http://www.pandys.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR%23/trigger: warning for mention of the M word m******ing me %5Burl="http://www.pandys.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR%23/bawling.gif'>http://www.pandys.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR#/bawling.gif

my so called bf, W attepting to **** me, and then there's the worst of all being set up on date with a mawho turned out to be a serial r**ist. :angry:

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Strangely enough my mom I don't have proof, but she knew and treated me like dirt initially when I told her. She watched me suffer without doing a damn thing all these years. :angry:

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  • 1 year later...

-The worst betrayal was by the boy who hurt me, because I thought he was my friend, and I looked up to him and trusted him. He was older than me and he told me that going out of bounds at recess wouldn't matter and then he hurt me and my friend.

-I feel like I betrayed myself and my friend when I didn't go for help while I had the chance.

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  • 1 month later...
soulsearcher

Great and necessary thread!

One of my sisters betrayed me tremendously as she orchestrated, then watched as her boyfriend (14 yrs old) raped me on my bedroom floor. She stood at the doorway and glared at me w/a hatred and a callousness in her eyes that burned into mine. My eyes pleaded for her help, and she did nothing. I was 8 years old.

My family does not know (29 yrs later). She and I don't speak of it. I honestly don't even know if she remembers. She spent my entire childhood abusing me physically, verbally and psychologically. I lived in a state of constant fear...terror really.

She forever changed the connotation of the word sister.

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  • 3 months later...

my sister's husband, who i had known since i was 7 raped me in their home as my 8 and 4 year old nieces slept upstairs. My sister, who had always been my best friend drove me to the hospital and saw me self-destruct in the following years. she chose to stay with him. i haven't spoken to her since, they're having a baby at the end of december. my parents want me to talk to her, they think i should forgive and forget. they want me to "let it go" and "get over it." they go to visit, and eat dinner with him, and sleep in the bed where it happened. I don't know if i will ever really forgive them.

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Someone mentioned there mom sharing details of her sex life with them... my mom did/does that too. And when I dare(!) get mad she says; "You're so immature." Um, she shared graphic details of her sex life with her 11-year-old!

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  • 1 month later...

I don't know maybe this is stupid. My worst betrayal is from the man who assaulted me. He was my uncle for god sakes. I was 9 years old. I'm just not sure how the uncle i loved could have done that to me. I mean he still tries to be part of my life but now that i know what happened, never.

Krisitn

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Goodness there are so many,

friends for making light of my rape and making me feel like i overreacted.

bf for saying that if I was a more responsible person it would never have happened and forcing me to go to the police, "if i really was sorry and loved him" then phoning the guy to make himself feel better as i begged him not too.

acquaintances for calling me a liar or continuing to speak to this guy.

the police for making me feel like the guilty one then not telling me what they had decided to do with the case. the interviewed a the guy and my friends after me but never responded to my report. that was 10 years ago and i never contacted them again through fear of opening the wound. this has left me feeling like i was to blame and my rape was not even worthy of their time. how can you heal with things left so open?

hopefully i will find some closure hear

Boo

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PinkFuzzySocks

I may use some not-so-polite words, but it's all I've got when it comes to talking about my cousin.

#1 - I had this dress. It was navy blue, with little white words all over it, reading "I am a good girl." It had a little matching purse. My jerk-off teenage cousin would constantly harass me when I wore it, saying, "That's wrong, it should say, 'I am a bad girl. I am a bad girl.'" For years I believed it, and thought that my secret made me a freak, or dirty in comparison to everyone around me.

#2 - I thought he was going to marry me. Talk about messing a kid up in the head. While the abuse was going on, I thought it was okay, because I loved him and he was going to marry me.

#3 - I never got any help. It was the 1970's, and most people didn't talk about sexual abuse then. While my cousin was toted off to a psychologist (who pronounced that his accusers were 'projecting' responsibility for the abuse onto him), I was told that it wasn't my fault. That was it. There ya' go, kid...have a nice life.

Thanks, this thread has been helpful in organizing some of my hardest issues.

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  • 1 month later...

1. my uncle using my need for protection to get sexual benifits when he should of been protecting me not hurting me more

2. my mother for all the yrs of hurt and pain

3. my husbane for all the yrs of abuse

4. when my mother was so calous about my miscarages and stillbirth to my bueatiful son, i broke down at the grave of my son and phisicaly couldent get up at the funeral, and my mother was sitting there saying come on kristy get up and hurry up the man wants to fill in the hole. and when i miscarried, she was asking the doctor where i was in the room with her and could here her aying did she miscarage because she eats so much junk food.

5. my mum when i was a very little girl, acusing me of having an afair with my father. i was suposed to be too young to even know what she was talking about, but i knew because i was already having sexual relations with my uncle. i felt so used and dirty and broken when she acused me of that. and it tainted the love i had for my father.

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  • 1 month later...
bumblebee_hope

One of the first people I told about my rape was a teacher at my school. My rapist was another teacher. She was really wonderful and talked to me and helped me tell my parents. But when the CPS said they couldn't prosecute I think she thought I was lying all along. I saw her a couple of weeks after he was allowed back at school, laughing with him whilst on bus duty. That hurt. I never spoke to her again.

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Musikalgeak

This is my first post...I'm kind of nervous.

A father is supposed to be somebody you look for to guide you, to protect you, and to show you what's right and wrong. Well, my father raped me constantly as a 5 and 6 year old child. I was betrayed by someone who should have treated me better.

I also was betrayed by my oldest brother. He molested me when I was 8.

I also feel betrayed somewhat by my mother. She should have known what was going on. My father raped me 3 or 4 times a week. I don't know how she didn't realize he was getting out of bed with her to rape me. My friend thinks she was in denial.

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even tho thye came around after awile, my dad's reaction at first really stung. but my 19 year brothers was the worst. after i realized that i had been date r*ped, and just how aful and serious it was, she called my dad. his first reaction wasnt 'is she ok?" or anything, it was the typical gguy response (sorry im just angry at all guys right now) 'why didnt she go to the police sooner'. ARGH!! my brothers rxn was bad to. he said if the court thinks im lying if this goes to trial, i would go to jail. why would someone lie about being r*ped. it made me feel awful. the worst thing is he called me in the er to telll me that, can u believe it? ouch!

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This is my first post...I'm kind of nervous.

A father is supposed to be somebody you look for to guide you, to protect you, and to show you what's right and wrong. Well, my father raped me constantly as a 5 and 6 year old child. I was betrayed by someone who should have treated me better.

I also was betrayed by my oldest brother. He molested me when I was 8.

I also feel betrayed somewhat by my mother. She should have known what was going on. My father raped me 3 or 4 times a week. I don't know how she didn't realize he was getting out of bed with her to rape me. My friend thinks she was in denial.

Musikalgeak - I hope it's okay to offer you a :hug:

I was sexually abused as a child but it was not my father. I have always wondered how my fellow survivors survive such a terrible violation; it's the worst betrayal I can imagine and I take my hat off to their - YOUR - strength. I hope you'll use this forum for support, hon, there are many members like you here.

Take care

Louise

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even tho thye came around after awile, my dad's reaction at first really stung. but my 19 year brothers was the worst. after i realized that i had been date r*ped, and just how aful and serious it was, she called my dad. his first reaction wasnt 'is she ok?" or anything, it was the typical gguy response (sorry im just angry at all guys right now) 'why didnt she go to the police sooner'. ARGH!! my brothers rxn was bad to. he said if the court thinks im lying if this goes to trial, i would go to jail. why would someone lie about being r*ped. it made me feel awful. the worst thing is he called me in the er to telll me that, can u believe it? ouch!

Wow, Becky, your brother called you in the ER to tell you what would happen "if" you were lying??? That must have been horrible, sweetheart. You'll never cop anything like that here.

Take care

Lou x

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One of the first people I told about my rape was a teacher at my school. My rapist was another teacher. She was really wonderful and talked to me and helped me tell my parents. But when the CPS said they couldn't prosecute I think she thought I was lying all along. I saw her a couple of weeks after he was allowed back at school, laughing with him whilst on bus duty. That hurt. I never spoke to her again.

Oh,Bumblebee, it must have hurt horribly to see her sweep it under the rug and treat your rapist as a friend after she'd engaged your trust. No wonder you never spoke to her again :hug:

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  • 2 months later...

For me the worst betrayal was from my grandparents. These people are my blood and yet they let the man who abused me as child into their home. For fuck sake they make him cups of tea.

I am now the mad deranged member fo the famliy because I dare to express the opinion that this isnt right.

How did i work thru it? I said fuck the lot of you.

Mel

My mawmaw did allowed my cousin back into her house TO LIVE after i told her what happened and she said she believed me and that he couldn't stay at her house but a week later he was back- and she pays for everything for him- i don't get it- does she believe me and not care- or she just thinks i'm lying?? fair to say i'm a tad p.o

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