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5 worst betrayals


Melanie
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Betrayals-

1. My Cousin (29) - he was my favorite cousin out of hundreds always looked forward to seeing him when i visited my mawmaw- then when i was 18 decided it was okay to molest me and then try and rape me- he was someone i thought i could count on and someone i thought was a good adult- i couldn't have been more wrong

2. My MAwmaw- she told my parents my cousin could no longer live in her house after what he did to me- a week later he was back in the house and she pays for most of his things

3. My "best friend"- it was really hard for me to talk about- and after i told her- she just blew it off and told me about how great her and her boyfriend were doing- she acted like it wasnt a big deal at all

4. Myself- i don't talk about it- i don't deny it but i avoid it- i figure if i stay positive and only think of happy things that it'll eventually go away- it's like a dark spot i'm trying to cover up with smile

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1st betrayal - My older brother, who was supposed to be the one who protects me and support me through everything in my life was actually the one who first tried to give me to his friends as payment and then he himself went after me.

2nd betrayal- My mom, she is constantly on the phone with him although she knows all of what he did. She takes him places and it seems like she and my dad are having a secret realtionship with him and I believe have even had him out to our house when I wasn't there. They help me to remember daily to remember what he did to me.

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My boyfriend at the time.

We weren't together at the time of the r*pe, but the person who did it to me was one of his friends. The next couple months after that I didn't even consider that I had been r*ped, I just thought I had been drunkenly promiscuous. When I finally began to validate my own feelings and told my boyfriend, he told me he thought I was blowing it out of proportion.

I told him it killed me inside whenever he'd hang out with him, laugh with him, or talk to him to lightheartedly. My boyfriend said he was in a tough position and didn't want to have to chose between us and be in the middle. Tough position. Really? He wouldn't even notice how bothered I seemed when he'd talk to him in front of me. And the thing that I just can not understand, and probably never will, is why he thought it'd be okay to bring the asshole over to my house when I was having a party. My own f*cking house.

How can anyone be so stupid and careless?

Needless to say, we are no longer a couple. The worst part is, I wasn't the one to break it off--I loved him too much. I thought eventually he'd understand and take my side. But no, he broke up with me because he just didn't feel the same way. So I basically put up with having to be around the person who r*ped me, just to get dumped in the end.

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possible *T*

1. The teacher/"mentor" who did it. He invited me to have lunch at his house. Even though I considered him a friend, I hesitated because I wasn't used to older people inviting me over like that. He sensed my hesitation and said "listen, you don't have to be afraid of me." So I did go to his house, and that was when he did it.

2. "Peter", the first friend I told. He told me that it was wrong for me to have befriended an older man in the first place- he even literally said "Well, I hate to say I told you so...". After that I gave up on seeking help or sympathy, and wound up disappearing from all my friends and just letting the perp use and blackmail me until I broke down and dropped out of college. My life would have been very different if Peter hadn't reacted that way, or if I'd had the presence of mind to dismiss him and his thoughtless words.

3. Not sure if this counts, but the perp's (supposedly separated) wife who personally contacted me and accused me of being a homewrecker and wronging her and her children. (The perp had actually told me enough about her that I know his "relationship" with her began very much like what happened with me- she was the same age and everything. He did the same thing to her and she rightfully called it R, but he eventually convinced her she was wrong, and she tragically wound up marrying him and having kids with him. My heart breaks for her, even though she shamed me.)

4. My parents for not letting me feel like I could tell them a thing like that. All my life, whenever anyone harassed or bullied me, my father blamed me and punished me strictly, and my mother let him. So telling them about the R was unthinkable, because I knew they would make life at home miserable for me. To this day, all they know is that I was frantic to stop attending university for no apparent reason.

Well, I am trying to confront my trauma and heal, and joining this forum is a part of that. I did eventually complete my degree. And I have decided I will eventually talk to my mother about it, but not until I have moved out.

Edited by Atargatis
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  • 5 weeks later...

*takes a deep breathe* The worst betrayl for my is my ex because i trusted him so much n He was the 1 who raped me

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  • 1 month later...

The place where I work,Iam on workers comp because that is where it happened the worst night of my life,and the boss did nothing about it when I finally told her,he worked there another 10 months before he resigned and today the boss has never rang.I WILL NEVER GO BACK

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  • 3 weeks later...

He was kind of my boyfriend... we weren't doing anything. Hadn't even kissed. He said that we should wait before going into a relationship. "I don't want to run and find out I should have walked." is what he said.

Funny, he didn't seem to mind running.

That was the first betrayal. 6 months of abuse. 2 months of rape and 1 month of torture.

The other betrayal... I don't know if it's worse or not... was from the school faculty. Teachers walked by as he did all this to me. They did nothing. They just walked by and never stopped him.

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+T+

Betrayals

My father and my uncle for not taking care of us (we were 2 and 5 when it started) and letting boy cousins take care of us / "play" with us when our and their mothers were sleeping.

My father for not protecting me (after I told him I was left in hospital

My ex husband for raping me anally and vaginally (I had to slide it down so it wasnt anally again)

Denying it to everyone, laughing at me when I bring up the PTSD symptoms (this happened again today)

Leaving me in hospital and taking my 4 year old on a holiday

For refusing to let my oldest son and me attend my 4 year old's birthday party

For organising child protection so that they questioned my ability to look after the little one (I was accused of trying to kill myself, self injure and have sex with a woman IN FRONT of my kids).

For leaving me unprotected at a football game and watching me go down another escalator (men taunted me).

For all of the mental abuse and gaslighting (psychological abuse)

For letting me find out he had a new partner through a real estate agent ringing up

For trying to take the kids off me completely under the view that I was mentally unwell. This was a payback for organising an intervention order against him.

For a subpoena on work, hospital and other records to try to claim that I was crazy rather than abused.

His mother

For saying that I was lucky that i didnt hurt him more when he beat me up (I slapped his face), he choked me and punched me repeatedly in the head and gave me concussion. For denying the rapes occured even though she was a survivor of a beating herself from her own husband

My brother

When I asked my brother to intervene in the abuse, he said to my mum that he couldnt cos it would "wreck Christmas".

His friend Julie

I had confided that I was in a domestic abusive situation and had previously been raped. We were getting to know eachother. I said if I have a problem with you, I will tell you. She said if I have a problem with you, I will tell you husband. She told me one night I invited them over for dinner that I should be grateful for my ex husband marrying me considering I was ........(mentally unwell). (I was told I had bipolar, turns out I have C-PTSD) I wasnt mentally unwell until I met him.

Lawyers

At the time I received a demand for full custody of the children and the claims that I was crazy rather than abused, they sent on the same day, what I considered a ransom request for between $50k to $100K to represent me in a family court case, without asking me how I wanted to proceed. Apparently this is unconscionable conduct and is a criminal act as they were taking advantage of me and there was a significant power difference between us at the time.

His friend Vyv

He knew I had been beaten and raped. He witnessed my ex husband laughing about my beating at a dinner in a restaurant that I paid for. He would intervene when he saw my ex get nasty at home. He was beaten himself by his wife some years back. Yet he still is supporting him 100%.

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Four of these are betrayals by people I trusted enough to tell about my rape.

5. One of my closer friends reacting to me telling her that I had been raped by saying "I have to go now."

4. My older brother getting really fucking drunk one night and starting to yell about me regarding how big of a failure I supposedly was and how I needed to "grow up" and "make some real decisions about my life." (He was the one still living at his dad's house at age 28... I was only 19.) He also accused me of thinking I was "SO WISE" since I've been through "SO MUCH," all said very sarcastically. Later I wanted to go upstairs to try and patch up the argument with him, thinking perhaps I had some part in it after all. I asked before entering his room if he was "decent." He said yes. I came upstairs to find him stark naked. He tried to say something about how he was so comfortable with me that he didn't give a fuck if I saw him naked and hoped I was comfortable enough not to care either. Needless to say I turned around and quickly left. Very triggering and gross. He still creeps me out.

3. My best friend came over to support me after a very challenging interaction with the police during which I had to call my perp on the phone and confront him. (The cops were taping the call, and I was supposed to try and get a confession from my abuser.) Anyway, after everything she KNEW I had been through that day, she started an argument about something silly, and when I told her that I wasn't in a place to talk about it, she said something like "Well, since you've just ASSIGNED yourself breaking-down status, I clearly can't say ANYTHING to criticize you!"

Yeah, I love her dearly, but part of me wonders how our friendship survived that.

2. My mother reacting to me telling her that I was feeling suicidal and needed to stop arguing with her by continuing to scream, rant, and rage about something that was none of her business in the first place, completely ignoring my need to disengage, until I was literally on the floor hyperventilating from sobbing and my dad had to intervene.

And worst of all, of course:

1. ... was my perp drugging, abusing and raping me when I had formerly loved and trusted him.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The biggest betrayal for me was during the divorce process when church friends testified on his behalf that he was so wonderful, and also during and after the divorce I found out some of the people KNEW that he probably has a mental illness or something wrong and had known even before we got together...all those years they looked me in the eye and smiled and said how wonderful it was that we were married. It was the church betrayal more than anything for me because I had grown up in this "one and only right way on earth" and believed and trusted in it. But the good thing is that as a result I broke free from that and now see that religious group for what it truly is.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Possible T

My own Mother didn't believe me. She continued to talk to him, she even asked him to come paint our house for her. I couldn't understand how she never believed me but then I started to think "Ok well she knew him for so long and they were together once so of course she doesn't want to believe the things he did to me.

Then another girl stepped forward and said he had done things to her as well and all of a sudden my Mother finally believed me and I think that hurt the most. The things I told her meant nothing. The fact that I called her screaming and crying that she come get me or find someone to come get me RIGHT THEN. The nightmares, the emails I told her he sent me. He own friend who came and got me who read/saw everything telling her what had happened and she still to my face called me a liar. Then one little girl who was a complete stranger to her came forward and suddenly she was so full of apologies for doubting me. I didn't need her then. I needed her to believe me and be there for me when it happened, when I had NO ONE to lean on for support that wouldn't throw it back in my face.

My bf at the time and the things he said to me. He used to fight with me and say things like "He knew you were a whore and knew you wanted him to watch you and record you". "You deserved all of it because your a slut". Then the next day he would turn around and tell me he wanted to kill him for what he did...

Myself because I let that man back into my life so many times because I was convinced I was paranoid until I found the camera and videos. Because I didn't tell the police right away. Because I read all of the mind fuck emails he sent me telling me he thought "I wanted him" when I should have just deleted them and never put myself through that.

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My worst betrayal now is the fact that my now ex husband confessed and apologised to me for what 'happened' on facebook chat log, i had no way of saving it not being computer literate... I asked the police who were already involved... 4 days later someone came to 'look at it and read it' and said that this was enough evidence to now go ahead with a charge against him, added to the other evidence that had been collected which was not enough on its own. then last night after managing to save it for several days without shutting the computer down, waiting for a special team to come and retrieve the messages so they could be evidenced... facebook has just crashed and its all lost... all of it... there is now no way to evidence it... i am devastated... and feel totally betrayed by the system now was well as him.

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The worst betrayal for me was this. The first time I was abused, I was 8. I reported him, and my upstairs neighbor was my lawyer throughout the whole court case. One of his sons, who I basically grew up with although he's about 4 years older than me, started abusing me when I was 9 until I was 12. I had always considered him as a brother.. and it was so twisted to be abused in the home of my lawyer for the first abuse. Not to mention my parents and his parents are best friends. He still lives right above me, and is the most arrogant person I've ever seen walk the face of the Earth. He wasn't supposed to hurt me, he was supposed to be my friend.

I also felt betrayed by my parents and older sister, because they were there the entire time but never noticed what was going on with me. I know that isn't exactly real betrayal, but that's how it felt... I wish they could have protected me.

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silentchild546

There were two betrayals for me, while I was in school, in elementary school mind you, a boy touched me and I told the teacher and all he got was put up against a wall. Then in middle school when the popular boys were sexually harassing me, the teachers did nothing to stop it. They would do it right in the middle of class but I wasn't a popular kid and they were popular.

The second one was my sister, she was paranoid one time, freaked out and left a bruise on my arm, and then when she decided to tell me she almost had a rage attack whilst I was sleeping, I left home and my mom blamed me for leaving even though I told her that my sister was psychotic.

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1. Being SA'ed by my "godfather," father, and two cousins

2. After my sister attempted suicide she said, "After you told me what happened to you too, I just couldn't handle it."

3. My mother's alcoholism and abuse growing up

4. My silent adopted dad

5. The many ways I betrayed myself: SI, addictions, self-hatred, risky behaviors

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  • 1 month later...

first was my mom. when she found out i was cutting myself she said to stop doing what my friends were doing and i was acting stupid.

second was my good friend/sisters ex-boyfriend. He knew i had issues with (hating) myself and he raped me which makes me hate myself so much more.

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A girl who I thought was my friend. She was having sex with her boyfriend in the same room I was getting raped in at that time. The next morning she told me "Well, I told him you were a virgin" as if that said she tryed to have some part in preventing him from doing that to me. :(

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  • 5 weeks later...
Lisamarie2011

The worst betrayal besides the one who attempted to rape me who was supossed to be my friend, was his wife. She threw a chiar through my kitchen window, called me a whore, and that I was "sleeping with" her husband. She would barge into my house and yell at me until I was able to get out of there. This has been tough to deal with, people not believing me, makes me feel like maybe I am those things, even though I am not. I am still working through it, this experience happend fairly recently so it is tough. I guess I have to reassure myself almost daily that they were not my true friends, and that their actions towards me does not make them right to do these things, and that one day justice will prevail. I have to believe in justice, even if it doen't happen the way I envision it. THis keeps me going anyway. One day at at time. I haven't worked through it very much yet I guess but I am trying to.

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Hello again Kevin - I'll start here with one betrayal that still rocks me from time to time.<p>My mother visited my rapist in jail. Even though I was used to never having her be on my side, that was a kind of final straw. I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. I remember announcing it to my therapist through a sick fog, and I will never forget the way she stopped what she was saying and quietly said "I beg your pardon, Lou?'<p>I battled with my sense of worthlessness, and in the end came to realise that it was about mother as a parent; my mother and her monstrous priorities, not about a lack of worth on my part. I could also understand why it had been hard for me to believe that what he did to me was really wrong.<p>I could then confront her and express my disgust. After telling me she felt sorry for him, and that he'd called her 'mum' in the visiting room, I told her I didn't want to hear about it. She said, 'oh, well, it seemed the christian thing to do, but I won't go there again'. I said, 'I don't give a toss what you do, mother. I know my feelings have never been important to you, but they are to me. Go if you want, but I think it's obscene and I don't want to hear about it'.<p>Sometimes I'm still surprised when something unfair has happened to me and people display partisan support for me.<p>I think what she did still rocks me because I don't understand how such a thing is possible - the only place I would vsit somebody who beat and raped my daughter is in the cemetary so I could piss on his grave.<p>Hugs<p>Lou xxxx

Lou,

I read this and honestly it sounds like something my mother would do. That is just so wrong on so many levels. And then to say it is the "Christian" thing to do??? My mom knew my stepfather was molesting me and she should have known he was r*ping me, although I didn't remember that until a few years ago at the point of a near breakdown. Once the molesation went outside the family (my sister's best friend) she came to me and asked about it. My stepfather made the accusation that my sister was lesbian and he had walked in on my sister and her friend. My mom was believing this by the time I found out. I blew a fuse. I told her he did it to me and she was doing the same thing, not believing it! She got angry at what I said! Word started to get out, and I'm sure she was afraid of him being arrested, so she suddenly decided to throw him out of the house. Never mind that he beat the living hell out of me and my sister, molested and r*ped me, but word might get out in town! Fast forward to last winter. New step father. Him and my mother (who me and my sons call by first name as she has never been a mom or grandmother) begged me to move to one of their farms to take care of their horses. The day after I arrive, they have told me the farm I was to work and live at, they have put up for sale! The day AFTER I move me and my son two hours from our home. We lived in a basement with no heat. I started looking for a job since working with the horses wasn't going to be an option. My son and I came back one day when they were gone. My car got stuck part of the way up their two mile driveway. I had tried to drive on the snow covered driveway as my son has asthma. Breathing cold air sends him into an attack. The winds were blowing 60MPH and I was terrified he would have an attack as we reached the house. I wrapped a scarf around his face in an effort to warm the air, if possible he would be breathing. He was exhausted when we reached home. A few hours later, I hear knocking on the back door and my stepfather comes through it cussing and screaming "look at what you have done to your mother!" Their car got stuck (because of mine) and they had to walk. My mom was standing there with this helpless look on her face, saying nothing. He started screaming at my son and went towards him. I ran over in front of him and said hell no, if you have something to say, then settle it with me. He continued degrading me and my son. All the while my mom just stood there. As when I was a kid, I waited for her to say something, hell anything. She didn't. The next day, me and my son went to a motel. Before I left mom wasn't happy until she "justified" everything her husband said. I left knowing then, that nothing she does or says will ever surprise me. And she wonders why we call her by her first name? She never acted like a mother and never will.

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  • 1 month later...

The most recent betrayel I know of happened to me tonight. My parents went out to dinner and a church service with the man who abused me as a 3 year old child. Yea, they are all buddy buddy now. Best of friends, everyone is pretending like nothing happened. They even tell me about going to dinner with this man and his wife and family. When they tell me this crap, I get all nervous and very resntful. I can totaly rellate to the stories. PS hoping I am positng right, this is my first post.

Edited by shelst
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reclusiveuk

The most recent betrayel I know of happened to me tonight. My parents went out to dinner and a church service with the man who abused me as a 3 year old child. Yea, they are all buddy buddy now. Best of friends, everyone is pretending like nothing happened. They even tell me about going to dinner with this man and his wife and family. When they tell me this crap, I get all nervous and very resntful. I can totaly rellate to the stories. PS hoping I am positng right, this is my first post.

Hi shelst, Im so sorry to read your post that is the ultimate betrayal, I will never understand parents that can be like this, my family are the same, I have nothing to do with them anymore and my life is richer for not having them in it.I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to how youre feeling and Im sorry that your parents have done that to you, its beyond my understanding. well done for posting, the first ones are the hardest. take care of yourself, Jo :hug:

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1. My parents did nothing when my brother abused me and I turned to them for help. NOTHING. My mother alternated between labeling it as normal behavior or blaming me, and my father didn't even say boo. He only acknowledged knowing about it when I asked him several years after it started.

2. My parents befriended my rapist when he started attending their church - and they knew about the rape.

3. My ex-husband ended up sexually abusing me despite pretending to be supportive and condemning the abuse I endured.

4. My ex, at least I suspect, has gotten my oldest to turn against me and not speak to me because I cut off contact with him and will not pander to his mind games anymore.

5. My MIL twisted my situation to use it against me at her convenience and has tried to insinuate that my estrangement with my family of origin is my fault now that her son (my husband) refuses to tolerate her abuse... and yes she knows I'm an incest survivor.

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1. When I told my mother about the abuse I suffered, though initally kind, she just has done nothing but blame me for it as use it as "proof" that I'm a "hillbilly" and a "whore" and a generally awful daughter and person. (Honestly I could do 20 alone about my mother).

2. My "friend" who said; "I notice that you like to play the rape card a lot" when I made reference to him stopping to speak to me shortly after I was raped as an adult and how much it hurt.

3. The guy that befriended me online and pretended to have romantic feelings for me when he was only trying to as he later told get "gather information" about me to use to stalk/harass me with his friends. When I asked him why he said; "you seemed vulerable."

4. The people on the eating disorder support board that I was a member of. People said I "whined" and complained" because I dared look for support there. Then when my stalkers showed up and said I "made up stories about being raped so people would feel sorry for" me, everyone believed then. There was a running "joke" there that I "lied about being raped."

5. The friend who claimed I made it up to get his "attention/affection."

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