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A lot of the books I've read on survivors say we have issues with people in authority,

I think that is a great point. As much as it is true that we are indeed the people facilitating things in this community, we are also members of the community. Maybe it helps to remind yourselves that we are all just like you.

Other than Shannon, who created this wonderful place, the rest of the moderating team all began here as members. We were all searching for a safe and supportive healing community. Each one of us is a survivor, and that is @ the heart of each & every one of our decisions.

If the mods had a problem with your thread, you would've been informed...this has more to do with the mods getting complaints about any recent board changes...

That is exactly true! Thanks for putting it that way, Tina.

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... might not fully agree with everything, just because we never witnessed the process that comes before a guideline, and that can be a little intimidating.

You're totally right. That's why we just ask that you all trust us. It's hard - trust me, I know! - but we simply cannot make all decisions based on member consensus (we've tried that in the past ;) ). We do ask for feedback when appropriate (a recent example of this are new profile features in an upcoming board upgrade, that we asked for feedback on).

Stef, when I say "you" here I am not referring just to YOU! ;)

It's also very frustrating for mods to rack our brains and discuss for two weeks a policy, covering every conceivable angle (doing this 5 years I think I've got a good grasp on survivor community needs), and then receive complaints about how unfair the rule is and a request to change it back. Furthermore, one of the guidelines of this board is that mod decisions, especially regarding the closing of threads, are not open to debate. Someone's got to decide whether or not a thread violates a guideline, and for ease of moderation that "someone" is the the moderators.

We've said it before and we'll say it again - this board unfortunately isn't a democracy. We're more of a representative form of government ;) By joining and staying, you elect the mods to make important decisions and trust that they're making the decisions for the benefit of the board. You don't always get a direct vote. And if we make decisions you don't like, you have the power to "fire us" and leave to find a survivor community that better suits you. No one is making anyone stay here; no one is making you follow rules you think are unfair. You have the right and responsibility to find the community that best suits you. I hope it's Pandy's, but if it's not, what is important to me is that you are healing.

We do understand that members are vulnerable and hurting while they're here. But we do not believe that because of that, people should be able to get away with disrespect or failing to follow the rules. Participation here is not a right.

The bottom line is that we're asking for respect. Just as you all don't like to be second-guessed when you make decisions in your lives, we don't like that here either, and we especially don't like it when it is rude or posted publicly.

We do what we can to make this community thrive. Given the length of our time online, the number of active members we have, the number of postings, something going on here is "right." Please trust us that we strive to make this community the safest place we can.

It's almost a shame that we had to post this - 98% of you had nothing to do with why this thread was posted. I really love this place; that's why I am still here after wanting to step back several times in the past! And the reason I love this place is because you members are absolutely amazing :)

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I guess reminders like this are needed but I am still always amazed when a thread comes out like this, it never occurs to me to complain about a new guideline or board change, as much as I feel I am a part of this board I still know my place. I think (and trust) those who have taken on the immense responsibility of maintaining this board to make the correct decisions regarding the board. (and for what it's worth my trust here has never been misguided)

Bottom line is I have been here for quite a while now, logging in almost every day, and never have I felt a decision was made hastily or without good reason. Some decisions may seem foreign or scary at first, but be patient, becuase at least here we know those in charge are truly looking out for us.


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I guess reminders like this are needed but I am still always amazed when a thread comes out like this,

Hey Kolee, thanks for understanding, hon. Threads like this only emerge when we are feeling particularly excoriated by complaints, rudeness and the implication that we are deliberately hurting people because we like the power or something. What we actually like is our members and moderating this community :) Heck, after the support I had from you beauties earlier this year, I love yas. And we're pleased that for the most part, it's ditto for you guys.

And Ayelet, my dear, you're the first - I said FIRST - US inhabitant who has not given me shit for coming from a nation of Vegemite-eaters :o Though coming from a nation of Peanut Butter and Jelly-eaters, that's pretty rich ;)

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Star of the Sea

And Ayelet, my dear, you're the first - I said FIRST - US inhabitant who has not given me shit for coming from a nation of Vegemite-eaters :o Though coming from a nation of Peanut Butter and Jelly-eaters, that's pretty rich ;)

well :moo: has a special connection to australia... given that she is named after two Aussies and as well as a strain of Australian sheep. She wants me to get vegemite...but unfortunately I don't know where to get it in the US.

Although she's never been to Australia, she still imagines herself as a

I can't cross my favorite sheep. :P She'll have me eating vegemite if she ever finds a jar. :) She's very persistant that way. Vegemite does sound better (or at least healthier) than PB&J I'll admit. ;)

We now return to the topic on hand...

respecting the mods and their decisions. :)

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i'm sorry for anything hurtful that i wrote ... i am still learning how a moderated board works - this is my first experience of a support group or web group or moderated group and i think i might have put my foot in it by not understanding well enough that the mods. could not (and did not) work by consensus ... i thought that it was more like a democracy and more like the mods acting as mediators and figuring out what the whole community would benefit from, though i see now that with a group this size that wouldn't be pratical. i certainly never meant to disrespect any of the mods. and am happy to follow any rules or guidelines. my worry was that i didn't know what the guidelines were or had somehow misinterpeted them, before the guideline post about leaving was in fact put up.

now it's up i understand and will happily comply. one concern i had, that stef expressed better i think, was that people who are unhappy with a rule change only know it's being considered afterwards while those who want the rule changed or guidelines added ask the mods directly... so it can look like being unwilling to comply on one side and useful contribution on the other, without it being meant to hurt anybody. i am very sorry that my questioning of that rule should have been seen as disrespectful - i did not understand all the elements involved and thought that the best place to take those concerns and fears was privately to the mods. i didn't realise that this had an undermining of trust feeling for the mods., since doing that was actually an expression of trust from my end - it meant that i expected there to be good reasons for everything. i realise now that i hadn't taken into enough consideration the size of the board and the trouble the mods. might have in dealing with these worries from too many people. no offence in the world was intended and i'm sorry that it was caused. i am also very sorry for apparently breaking a guideline when i didn't mean to - my post was not clearly enough worded. sorry.

(if anyone, anywhere who reads this has any hugs or anything to spare ... i feel like i've screwed up badly and made myself outside this group too, when i never intended to do anything wrong and only acted because i was worried about other active members leaving or saying that they would become less active (because of how they felt about rules and mods. decisions) when i'd just gotten to know them and they seemed very supportive and welcoming members of the site. again, being a newbie, i really should have known better and kept my mouth shut. i have learned from this experience and will do that in the future. anyway, now, i'm feeling scared and shaken because i seriously hate conflict and hurting anyone (maybe hugs for the mods. are in order right here too! god, what a hard job it must be to sort that stuff out all the time :( ). if anyone has any reassurance to give ... er... i could really use it. (now looking for cover and trying not to behave like the 6 yr old i half think i am at the moment :( )

i make fudge. can i send some virtual fudge to all who are hurting? i have never wanted to hurt or disrespect anybody here. i am very sorry if that is what came across.

i am grateful for the work the mods. do in keeping this forum going - thank you for the insight into that too, mods. i also appreciate it especially since i know you have your own issues to deal with.

i hope this post has helped ... please ignore it if it hasn't and just accept some fudge? :blush:


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((((Ayelet)))) I love you and (((((Moo))))))...

and ((((Lou))))) she didn't give you "shit" about coming from the land of vegimite...she even "tried" to find vegemite cookies for ya...although...the idea of vegimite cookies is pretty darn gross if you ask me...but hey...you all have your own language and your own eating habbits...go figure...

But out of that nation came ((((YOU))))...so it must be pretty awesome there...and I would even go there to see you...(if I actually had money!)...but you would have to promise not to try and make me eat vegimite...I've had it...I lived with two gentlemen from NZ and they had some...I didn't like it very much...as a matter of fact I didn't like it at all... :o ...I know...your totally shocked...but then again...I'm pretty picky...

Hey don't feel bad...I lived off "Rice" for two weeks in S. Korea...I didn't like their food either...so...I'm sure it's me...

But...you at least have to give Ayelet and Moo credit for trying!

And all you (((((MODS))))) Thank you for making this community a place where we can even joke and have fun in a thread like this...although as usual...I'm sorry you even needed to start it...I hope that all of us that love you (and the little ones that a couple of you are carrying...geez...I sure hope pregnancy isn't contagious...you can't get pregnant from replying to a pregnant mods post can you? ;) )...more than makes up for the crap you have to put up with at times because of your position...because we wouldn't have this safe community without you...and I'm sure you know that "most" of us know that...and we are eternally grateful for all that you do (both seen and unseen)...although the time zone thing is a little annoying ;) (feel free to totally ignore the perfectionist in me :P )...

Much Love and Thanks to you all!


Edited because it took me three times to spell Ayelet's name correctly in both places... :blink: ...I don't know what's wrong with my brain this morning!

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I just wanted to say that I think that you mods ROCK at keeping Pandys a safe and functional community. And given the huge number of members and all the activity on the site, I STILL can't figure out how you manage to do this along with the rest of your lifes'. I have incredible respect for you who give so much of your energy and time to something that I know must be more work than one can imagine. I can't imagine that Pandys would have been around for as long or so active or so healing if it wasn't for the mods who work so hard on the site and for keeping it a "safe community".


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