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Who Deserves to Be Here?


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Guest Kriley9

This is a post I so desperately needed to read. Thank you for writing this, it makes me feel included and I'm not alone. There are others who are struggling like I am and have these thoughts going on inside. I just had it happen to me over the weekend and I'm finding it difficult to cope... telling people what happened. I am still embarrassed that it happened and I still love my ex boyfriend. It's going to be a rough journey but its nice to know I have support.

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Lea92

I had a similar experience to you Ellieeliphant.  Your story spoke to me.  I woke to find an acquaintance on top of me after drinking at a party. It was my first time having intercourse.  I had intimate contact with various long term boyfriends but this was sudden, unwanted, and forced on me.  I feel like I had my innocence and sense of trust was destroyed. I still have trouble staying asleep and suffer from severe insomnia.  Often I wonder if it was due to being violated while unconscious.  I have so much guilt and self blame for being there even though deep down I know it wasn't my fault.  Others were quick to blame me which reinforced all my distorted thoughts.  You did not ask for what happened.  You are not making a big deal out of it either, what happened to you is so wrong.  I wish you peace and healing.  Being part of this group has given me strength to write my story since I can't seem to find my voice to even get counselling just yet.  

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  • 3 weeks later...

Dear Cherysh,

If you want to speak with the administration you will need a valid email address. The one you're trying to use is not recognized by yahoo.co.uk

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hello everyone, I am brand new here. Looking for some support, while I am trying my hardest to support my 15 year old daughter who is a victim of rape. Not really sure where to start. This took place in May and the finally arrested him 4 days ago. He is a 20 year old man that was already a registered sex offender. I feel the system has failed us in so many ways right now. I am just a lost scared mom looking for answers, i guess.

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Welcome Sophie. I am sorry your daughter was hurt. As a mom, I know how hard it is to see your child in pain. I am glad she has you for support. Going through the legal process is stressful, but I hope you and your daughter see justice.

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Guest Not your fault

Hi I am new to this.

I was recently sexually assaulted twice and I watch all these crime shows that tell you how much we are the victims and how it's not our fault. I am having so much guilt and anxiety over this because I feel as though it was my fault and if I had done maybe one thing differently, maybe it would have never happened. I am a heavy believer in karma and I just don't even understand what I could have done to deserve this and no one should ever go through what any of us had to experience. I've talked to hotlines and I want to file a police report because when the first one happened I did nothing except seek a therapist but I don't think I fully took care of the whole problem. This time even though the circumstances are different and worse I want to do something. I want to speak up, even if no charges can be filed. I wan't to feel in control again. I am tired of taking several showers in the day because I don't like the skin I am in. All of my loved ones tell me I am the victim but I am afraid that if I go to the police I will be treated like I am under investigation and scrutinized. But I want to be heard for once and I never in my life would have ever thought this would happen to me, but it happens everywhere and can happen to anyone. I am really glad these support chat rooms exists because now I no longer feel alone. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest A mother torn

Hello all. I am a mother of two wonderful kids.  This past may my ex husband was getting married to the woman he cheated on me with.he wanted our kids,  20 year old son and 16 year old daughter, to be bridesmaid and best man. My son has had many deep issues with his father and wanted no part of it. His drinking begain to get way out of control. And unknown to me also his uses of drugs.  This wedding was a 3 day affair. They stayed on site . My daughter was staying in the same room as her dad and his soon to be wife. I knew that there was a potential that my son would get out of control . I warned both his sister and his dad. Told them to call me and I'd come and get him if he was intoxicated. He did in fact get very very intoxicated. No one called. Thier dad thought it was a good idea to put our daughter in the same room with her brother the night of the wedding so he and his bride could be alone. There is no excuses to be made . Just plain sorrow that in his emotional intoxicated state my son inappropriately touched my daughter that night. The incident was only a few moments but enough to violate her . ( Not vaginally) He was immediately remorseful and suicidal. He left the room and slept in his car. But the damage was done . The next day I took him to the phyc ward at our local hospital he was held for 3 days then went into rehab for 9 days. This was in may. He is still sober . But my family is shattered. His sister hates him and is planning on charging him . I'm so confused and mixed up with how to support her . I love my son , I hate what he's done . She want me to hate him too. To have nothing to do with him . I'm so broken. Looking for anyone who might have had a similar situation. It's not something I want to tell many ... Or anyone for that matter and going this alone is getting to be unbearable. 

 

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Hi Amothertorn,

What a tragic situation for all involved. You're mother to both and I would think it's impossible to hate him. Being intoxicated does not negate the damage done to your daughter. My best suggestion is to try counseling for your daughter by herself if she wishes and together so you can discuss how he's still your son. If he's at home now would be a good time for him to move. Your daughter should not have to face him each day. Counseling for him would be helpful too. It can help with his addiction issues and let him know how he's harmed his sister and the rest of the family so he can move forward.  

:hug::hug::hug:

Peace to you,

Susan

 

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  • 3 months later...
Guest Rachel

I'm new here as well, the story of why I'm here is a long one (and I will share below) but the short story is I've reached out for support to a lot of people and it hasn't gone very well, I figured a forum like this has to be more supportive than people have been to me thus far, so thank you in advance.

I've been assaulted quite a few times (I worked with a have a history of dating a lot of sketchy men) but the last time was the only time I felt my life was so disturbed I actually went to the police. I explained on another forum I hangout on that this last assault was by most people's definition not the "worst", I've been raped before but this guy only fondled me. The thing that made it the "worst" to me was he was someone very close I trusted completely and he kidnapped me but the DA couldn't charge it as kidnapping because it's apparently too hard to prove. He lured me into his car and locked the doors and started assaulting me while he was driving so I couldn't leave. Once he realized I'd froze he stopped the car and continued doing what he wanted. I was in such a confused state once I was allowed out of the car I went to my class on the campus he and I shared, the police station was only one building over but I didn't go there and I really don't know why. I told a counselor this and she was just concern that he might be expelled for the university. My family said I had no right to put him in jail even for a short time and said his childhood wasn't great and therefore I needed to pursue this less aggressively. I ignored them for the most part and went forward with pressing charges, he is getting sentenced later this month and I am glad he is finally seeing some consequences to his actions and that this is mostly "over". 

 

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Guest Hi Rachel

I just want to say I am glad you had the strength to stand up for yourself and press charges! You did the right thing and I hope you heal from the trauma. 

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  • 3 months later...

 

Thats my story. I am Polish, orphan, and I am a victim of organised very danger crime group having members in Poland and USA.  Very danger people, they used me and want me to die. They also are all in catholic church.The only way to safe me is to tell story in public.  One of the member is toxic rich businessman from Ohio Akron , other members his family, there is as well past member of parlament in Poland and his nephew Polish  professor of Fullerton. Those very toxic danger group of people used me, orphan and I m like a human trade victim, I am victim of Terrible manipulation and use my energy, my life strenght,  they know that I ve noone and they abused me like in horror movie,  its so difficult to say, sadistic using innocent orphan from Poland. And their cover is a church. Those people are Healthy men with money and they using innocent alone women Weak,  sick without family, I am powerless,  I am scared and I dont know how to rsport that to the police

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Hi Saar,

I am very sorry to hear that you are being abused and are in this very dangerous situation. I am in the US and not familiar with resources in Poland, but I would guess there are rape crisis centers? Please consider calling or going to a rape crisis center near you. They can offer you support and information. In many places, a rape crisis center will have volunteers who will go with you to the police to report. If you needed to seek medical care, they may have volunteers who will go with you there as well.

What you are going through is so very wrong. You deserve to be safe.

Sending much care,

Mary Beth

I have no experience with this organization, but it may be a place to start:

https://www.rcne.com/contact/countries/poland/

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Like you I struggled with being surrounded by those in power being the most dangerous people I knew who were all working to bring me harm.  They did all they could to encourage me to believe the truth of this by showing their power in horrible and fearful ways.  I did finally slip away and I went to college far enough away I could remake myself and discovered freedom.  It was hard and it was scary.  You can do this.  I didn't report them to the police until much later because at the time I didn't know how our who would be safe to report to.  You can start by getting away to safety.  

Sending you care

Patricia

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  • 6 months later...
Guest tulipslover101

Thank you for posting this it was honestly something I needed to hear. I have been sexually assualted more then once and because of that I have gotten "you should have done something you know better" "afterawhile its hard to believe" My mother actually told my first rapist that she believed him and my friend at the time over heard it. Thank you for the message. I am truely glad I found this page.

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6 minutes ago, Guest tulipslover101 said:

Thank you for posting this it was honestly something I needed to hear. I have been sexually assualted more then once and because of that I have gotten "you should have done something you know better" "afterawhile its hard to believe" My mother actually told my first rapist that she believed him and my friend at the time over heard it. Thank you for the message. I am truely glad I found this page.

There should have known better, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry you weren’t believed or supported by your mom. Sending you warm wishes on your healing journey.

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Guest shays1214

All of these posts are so great. I am a new survivor in need of others who have experienced things that I have. I end up staying up late at night feeling alone and it is so hard. 

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7 hours ago, Guest shays1214 said:

All of these posts are so great. I am a new survivor in need of others who have experienced things that I have. I end up staying up late at night feeling alone and it is so hard. 

I hope you will reach out further here, and join us.  There is much support to be had here, and becoming a member will open up the full Pandys for you. Please know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Jenny

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Omg...I am so very sorry to hear what happened to you. I am new. This is my first post. It is not your fault.

First do not act based on fear. This is what my therapist always tells me.  You can also call RAINN https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline: it is an anonymous hotline for sexual abuse. You can tell them everything that happened, your fears. They can give you some suggestions. I used it when I discovered out of the blue that my husband was sexually abusing our 3YO son. I reported to the police and now I am in a fight for my children (he got away with it - no physical evidence).

Do you have a therapist you can talk to? You need professional help. Most of them have sliding scales and may accept no payment from people who cannot afford it. I do not have a good answer for you, but I feel for you and your despair. I am so very very very sorry.

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If you want to say no, you can just say you have started developing flu-like symptoms and you need to self-isolate. Just an idea.

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That sounds like a very difficult situation to be in. I am not sure what about the situation made you feel coerced, but can understand that it is now very complicated. 
You might consider calling a crisis line or some sort of help-line. 
 

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Struggling Support

I feel odd posting here. I have never been sexually assaulted.  I am a male who several months ago started dating a wonderful woman.  She is the love of my life and we are engaged.  I absolutely adore her in every way. Unfortunately part of her back story includes a few incidences of rape. They include being touched as a child from a cousin, forced rape from a high school boyfriend, drugged rape at a college party, and coerced relationship rape over a long period of adult time where she was being emotionally gaslighted.  I unequivocally believe her about every single incident. I do not blame her for any of it. I don't look at her with anything but compassion.  The issue that I'm having is that I am having invasive thoughts and recreations of her past events where I picture it happening it to her.  I would never equate my thoughts of something that didn't happen to me to be anything near what an actual survivor experiences but these thoughts evoke very upsetting emotions in me. I have read extensively online about how I can best support my fiance and so I am very careful to always listen to her when she talks. To only talk about it when she wants to talk about it. At this point she has said that I have helped her a lot but I'm struggling.  Part of my struggles is that I have only recently just learned about a couple of her past traumas. I won't go into the full detail of our story but for reasons that make total sense to me, she had downplayed or even misled be about some of the events in her past until recently. I am now struggling with my own emotional reactions to these things. The information that I have is terrible but I don't even have all of the information.  Certain events have been described to me vividly and others very vaguely. I don't ever want to pry with her but it is really challenging for me not to know the full extent of some of those events. It leads my mind to wonder and picture the worst. And I have a very imaginative mind so I feel like I am having daily mental episodes where I see these things play out.

As you can tell from my ramblings above.  I'm really struggling and I'm not sure what I can do. Her story is not something that she shares besides with me so I feel like I have no where to go with this. I love her and want nothing more than to protect her.  I'm just not sure how to process all of my own emotional struggle. Fear, anger (towards her perpetrators), and anxiety are all starting to increase and I don't want hurt her more with my own pain.

Are there other men on here who are dealing with this?

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Guest Joshbrewer

I am in the same situation here. I knew she was sexually assaulted by her ex and yesterday she told me all the details and how happen. How she stay with him for 8 more months because she didn’t knew what to do. And I cannot understand how someone can do something like that to her. I am so angry I wasn’t in her life sooner to stop that. Angry that I want revenge for what he did to her. I really don’t know what to do.

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Guest AJ88

My name is AJ 

I’m not sure where I deserve to be.

I was 13 when I was first abused at the hands of my mothers boyfriend.

im not sure how to feel or what to do here because this was what I suppose is called a grooming.

he started by offering me cigarettes and alcohol when my mother was not around, whilst I thought at the time this made him the cool step dad I know it now to be different. From there he proceeded to convince me to watch porn with him. We talked about “boners” and how it was a normal thing. I’m not sure how it turned to what it was but it turned into him convincing me to touch his.. this happened on a lot of occasions and became our secret. Eventually my mother left him and it was never spoken of. As a teenager I thought it was a normal thing going through puberty to experiment and did not want to get him in trouble because at the time I felt as if I’d agreed to it .

as an adult I feel like I am different from the norm..

I have “kinks” that most people would find strange.

like watching my wife with other people.

its destroying my marriage and I don’t know what to do ..

I reached out to this forum because I was hoping someone would listen and talk back to me ..

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