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"Get Over It"


Louise

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  • 5 weeks later...
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3 Days ago I finally told my mom, who is the most understanding amazing women, what had happened to me. My husband has known for the last 3 years of our 4 year relationship and knew that I was notready to talk to about it.

My husband works out of town and today, we were talking on the phone and I've been quite emotional since telling my mom, actually asked me if " I was PMSing"?

Is there anyway to explain it so that they realise how trying this is?

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  • 3 months later...
gospel of lilith

A Response

A short play (not strictly 'get over it', but similar idiocy).

INSENSITIVE FRIEND: Are you still upset about that? You should have gotten over it by now. Besides, lots of people have it worse than you do.

LILITH's eyes narrow. LILITH pinches INSENSITIVE FRIEND very hard.

INSENSITIVE FRIEND: Ow!

LILITH: Shut up. Lots of people have it worse than you.

INSENSITIVE FRIEND: Yeah, but it still hurts.

LILITH grins.

LILITH: Checkmate, motherf-cker.

INSENSITIVE FRIEND is speechless while LILITH goes to find someone more worth her time.

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get over it usually elicits the one digit salute and a "fuck you" unless i am feeling particularly eloquent that day then it's fuck you asshole. i make no apologies, that response is insensitive and deserves insensitivity in return

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  • 2 weeks later...

I once said, "If you think it's stupid that I'm still upset about it, or you don't want to hear about it, then I suggest that you kill yourself. Then you wouldn't have to listen to me complain anymore. Because you'd be dead. So that would definitely be my recommendation."

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(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs to you all)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It amazes me how insensitive people can be, especially to their loved ones. If 'getting over it' was sooooooooo easy.... you would have done that already. You would not expect someone who has say, lost a leg, to 'just get over it!!!!!!!!!!!'

Ohhhhhh it makes me mad to read the terrible thisngs that have been said to you all. grrrrrrrrrr.

Take care everyone

Honey

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Those three words hurt me so much that I respond to it as cruelly as I can. Anything that has been confided in me I bring it up and throw into their face to show how much it hurts.

ex: "I'll get over this when you get over being dumped by a married man who never wanted you."

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gospel of lilith

survivors: sharp when provoked

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 1 year later...
stillhealing

My mom told me that I should think that CSA is a big deal because "it happens to a lot of women. It happened to me, to X, to Y, to Z...."

The fact that the inc*st survivor club has a lot of members is supposed to make me feel better. It's not a club that anyone want to join.

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  • 7 months later...
4sakenmonarch

I love this thread...

so many people who have said or thought of saying some awesome things to people who r inconsiderate and mean...

i just absolutely love it...

the comebacks that r of r just...

well,

they make me laugh to think of it...

because i think jerkoffs who minimize and deny our pain deserve a nice comeback...

and now i feel sort of motivated to make fresh statements to those who make fresh statements to or about us survivors...

i love all of the comments that were made or thought about being made to mean people...

u all r awesome...

:thumbsup::yahoo:

ps: here comes my :devil: streak... hahaha... to those who have no heart...

:D

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Is it bad to say that I want to get over it...I want to forget and move on?

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4sakenmonarch

y would it be bad to say or think that viv?

who of us really wants to feel the way we do?

who among us really wants to remember our horrible pasts?

how would it be bad to think or say that?

its not bad....

its ok...

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  • 1 year later...

I've been told to "suck it up." I covered abuse up for years, and now I've had to face what was done to me. One guy who testified on my ex's behalf in court saying he was so wonderful told me, "If he was so abusive WHY did you have KIDS?!" Hmmmmm...maybe I'd better inform him that rape can result in pregnancy in case he didn't know!

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  • 2 weeks later...

About seven years ago, my mother's husband (not the pedophile husband from years before) said something to me in an e-mail along the lines of "....oh, I bet you're seeing a therapist because of your childhood.... why don't you just get over it?"

That my mother allowed him to click on "Send" --- see in my mind, she once again put the needs of her child(ren) after the husband --- caused me to completely shut down and I've had zero communication with my mother since then.

It was bad enough that my mother never knew ANY details about what she allowed to happen to me and my sister, but for her to allow him to speak about something he knew even less about, just sealed the coffin. It all but has nails in it.

I never had a comeback. Someday I will say what I have to say. Writing that letter has been the procrastination project of the century!!

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  • 3 weeks later...

My sister saidyou need to get over it and for get about it. I wish i could get over it but i can't. What is it with people these days said get over it. I wish people would understand that is not that easy to get over it. <p>(Edited by ANIMALBEARS at 5:14 am on June 28, 2002)

My sister has done the same. They can't understand because they haven't lived it. I chose to no longer discuss it with my sister because it created a lot of emotions I didn't want to deal with.

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I once told someone -- an online person who asked my why I didn't just stop whining and forget about it, and get on with my life -- if she'd have told an amputee to forget about her missing limb.  When I was assaulted, a huge chunk of me was taken away.  Anyone insensitive enough these days to ask me why I dwell on it, why I don't just get over it, (my husband, for one) gets the standard, "Kiss my ass, you fucking bastard."

If I was in a situation where I couldn't say that, I'd probably say, "when you've lived through what I've lived through, you may come back and ask me that again."<p>Amy

Cudoos to you!!!!!! It amazes me at the "gall" of people who think they have the right to express their opinion (without being asked) and "judge" us "survivors." Some people just have no compassion. I know we are to ignore these people, but sometimes it just isn't possible. :):)

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Is it bad to say that I want to get over it...I want to forget and move on?

No, it's not bad, I think we all want to move on and each of us has our own idea of what that means.

Us wanting to move forward with healing isn't the same as a non-survivor/someone in denial telling us to "get over it". No-one should tell us how long recovery should take or what it should look like. No-one should minimise or invalidate what we're going through.

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What really gets up my nose is that every year, we have war casualty remembrance days. Soldiers are shown on TV crying as they remember events which happened fifty years ago.<p>NOBODY questions their right to do that, or gives them that worthless piece of three-word shit advice. Imagine the fuckin' outcry if one of these brave heroes was told to stop whining! They wouldn't tolerate it and neither should we.<p>:)<p>

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Louise, you are so incredibly right! Did you see the news about the crying Congressman (Boehner)? They were saying when men cry they are sensitive, but when women cry we are emotional - I HATE double-standards. And as far as soldiers, I have a huge place in my heart for them and who would dare say "get over it" to one? And what makes anyone think they should? Great, great point!

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I have not had to deal with too many stupid comments, but probably because I kept quiet for so long. When I finally told some friends, the responses were great. However, I have been asked "why don't you just let it go and move on?" If I had an on/off switch it would have been turned off the night I was raped. Can somone forget about their great childhood memories, the kids who bullied them through high school, the car accident they were in? Rape and abuse is far more grave and it literally takes pieces of you. For me, it was like putting a puzzle back together. Some pieces I opted to throw out and replace with new ones which fit better. People are ignorant, cruel, and full of egos. I have also responded with "if you wife, sister, or daughter is raped I want you to come back and tell me you said the same thing to them!" And like others, the "go fuck yourself" always shuts the big mouths up rather quickly and without debate. Just remember, we are stronger in the end for surviving and pulling our pieces back together.

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  • 8 months later...

I love this thread! It is so helpful to read everyone's thoughts on this subject.

One more thought: I experienced a lot of non-SA abuse and neglect as a kid and while working through it in therapy my best friend would say things like, "that was so long ago" and "don't let it affect you so much, try to forget about it and move on". I always felt bad, 'cuz I knew her home life wasn't good either and she seemed to have "forgotten and moved on".

Right. Years have passed and she has kids now and I've seen her get overwhelmed and rage at them and I think to myself, "I wonder if she ever wonders where all that anger comes from"?

Three years ago I had my first CSA flashback and about a year ago the shit really hit the fan. I recently had to go back home for a funeral and be in the same room as my uncle (who is one of my abusers). Needless to say I was pretty anxious about it. When I got back and was telling my friend about it she said, "Oh Jo. That was so long ago. It's time to let it go. He can't hurt you anymore." When she said that last bit I involuntarily gagged and started sobbing wildly. She was shocked by my reaction (especially since I was driving and chatting happily a second before and suddenly I had to pull over and break down). I think it was the first time she ever saw how much pain I'm really in and how uncontrollable the fallout from this truly is.

The other thing? I think maybe it happened to her too. I think it happened to her and my talking about it is so uncomfortable for her she tries to shut me down. I love her dearly and I know she loves me. That is why I put up with her ignorance in the past, and now that I know more, it is why am trying to educate her and help her understand.

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